In which . . .

I really am ok with not being in anything with someone. At least, I am to a point. That point is where I can't handle professors and people at work and all the projects and stuff I have to do anymore and then I'm like, "I want to take a nap, but I can't pencil a nap in until after 10/4, and I don't want time to pass because with the passing of time comes May, and with May comes Graduation, and with Graduation come sad good-byes." (And ones that I don't mind, too, but I'd rather have Andy AND the people that I can't stand than peace and no Andy.) Now that I think about it, I should keep in mind that the same thing happened two years ago with Matthew P., but I got over it and I can hardly stand seeing him anymore when I DO see him, which is way more often than I want to.

But that is depressing. That's like . . . it's almost dehumanizing my poor friends by saying that. Maybe I have psychological issues or something. Whenever I stop being around any of them, I start to hate them. But . . . I don't want to hate poor Andy.

I saw a spider making a web today. It was cool cuz it made the string thing and then it sucked it back in. Totally cool.

Have you guys ever liked someone and not really been too upset about it -- until you got stressed out about something else? It's quite an interesting phenomenon. It's like you can't handle things and the only thing that will make things better is that ONE person. So annoying . . . Cuz, your obsessing about it only makes all the other things seem worse, and then you want him MORE and it's totally ridiculous. It's a vicious cycle.

Tomorrow I have homework due and a test. Next week, I have two tests. The following week, I have a paper and a presentation. I want them to be done -- but I want it to stay today forever. Cuz I don't want him to leave. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

And I want to go to Sioux Falls next Friday, but I have to work at 6:00 and I have choir until 5:35 and people are leaving at 5:00, but if I don't go, I'm going to go insane because I haven't done anything fun since like . . . I can't even remember when, it's been so long. Dude . . . I'm trying to find someone to work for me and there's a good chance I'm going to be quitting choir, but if not, then I'll just ask someone if they could hold up until 5:30 because it doesn't take 3 hours to get to Sioux Falls.

I was telling my sister-in-law all this stuff and she said she could hear my hormones screaming over the phone. It's not a hormone thing, I don't think. It's a comfort thing. According to the Bible, women WERE originally Adam's rib -- and that means that they were close to the heart and under the arm. That translates loved (close to the heart) and protected (under the arm) -- or one might say hugged too, which I wouldn't complain about. I just want someone to love me. And take care of me.

You know, this reminds me of a cut on Plumb's "Beautiful Lumps of Coal" CD, where her mom asked her (She was about 4 years old) what she would do with her husband if she was married. She said, "Love him. And kiss him. And dance with him, too." I want someone to love, kiss and dance with. Can I? Please?

Timmy asked me today, "what if Randy were to say 'you and I are going to have a lot of babies' to you?" I said, "If Randy told me that I was going to have his babies, I'd seriously have to kick him in the balls." Timmy was terribly shocked. Aw well. It was probably good for him. Serves him right, telling people things about me that he shouldn't be telling.
~MK