In which I am very confused

I'm so sad and confused right now. People keep telling me the opposite of what I think I should do and I'm crying because I just wish something would crack or something because I can't handle the pressure. I knew when I got up this morning that it was going to be a rough day. Just exactly how rough I had no idea. I'm so very confused right now because people have told me to dump Cru which yeah . . . I wouldn't mind doing. I don't THINK I would, anyway. I went tonight and Cammy and Kyle were the only people who talked to me -- everyone else would have avoided me if I hadn't talked to them first. (Not speaking of you, Nikki . . . ) People have pretty much avoided me the entire semester now that I think about it. It hurts a lot. Tonight I was almost in tears when I left and Kelly happened to be at Perkins and I talked to her and the boys came in and not one of the Cru people even said hi to me other than Nikki. Kelly said that they're so not worth my time because they act like they don't even know me. I told her about cognitive dissonance and I told her it was the guy in the middle whose back was facing us. She said, "Forget him. He didn't even acknowledge you." She said that Matthew must think he's God because his shirt said "I AM" God and she said that with one who thinks he's God and one who is going way beyond hard to get, it's just not worth all the emotional energy I'm putting into it. That's too true. But I don't think it's fair to the one in the middle (speaking of the middle of the booth) to completely dump his organization simply because he's not talking to me. It might be kinda like . . . well, me. Cuz if I think someone would be uncomfortable with my talking to them, I don't. I don't know why he's not talking to me and I don't want to make hasty decisions. It kinda fixed in my mind the fact that I need to talk to him. I'm really beginning to wonder if perhaps the phone thing is completely made up and he's just ignoring me and telling me that his phone isn't ringing.

Matt asked me what kind of sheep had to die in order to make my hat. Rob asked if it was a sibling of a smurf and I said, "It's purple, not blue!" Matt said, "Was it Barney's little sister?" Matt also gave me some interesting advice on how to handle the Cru situation. He said I should tell them that "Matthew says that you all are a hemorrhoid on the butt crack of the world." He says they'll think I was referring to God-man and they'll have fun trying to take care of that problem. Matt makes me giggle.
~MK