In which we discover that sometimes, you have to lose something in order to find something
Hey
I dropped my friends, as I mentioned in past posts. It's been quite interesting. I don't miss a single one of them because the two people out of the 25 that I used to hang out with who really do care about me and want to be my friend because they want to still talk to me. (Tara, you are one of them -- I love you!) The rest pretend like they care but I know that way down deep inside, if I didn't have a car, they'd never talk to me. That's kinda sad.
It's not too easy just dropping your friends sometimes. At lunch yesterday, I sat at a table by myself, and Glen came over and asked me to sit with him and explained that if I didn't, he'd have to sit by Wade. I said, "But if I sit by you, you'll still have to sit by Wade. The only difference is that not only would I have to sit by Wade too, I'd have to sit by you as well. I don't want to sit by either of you. And I'm not in the mood for boy talk." Boy talk . . . Oh boy. All the loser boys that I know only talk about the parties they went to, are going to go to, or are planning to plan. The girls they have slept with, the girls they are going to sleep with, or the girls they WANT to sleep with. The bodies of the previously mentioned individuals. How they act when they're drunk. Everything they say is very gratuatous. They just talk to hear themselves talk, not because they have anything to say. I don't want to be a part of it.
I quite failed in my endeavors to avoid my former friends yesterday. I sat down by myself to enjoy a quick, quiet meal, and within 5 minutes, my table was full of lively, chattery chicks. It wasn't too terrible -- I just wish that people would leave me alone when they don't like me. Insisting on hanging around me when they don't like me in the first place is adding insult to injury.
Finally, I was able to have time to myself. Away from my "friends." It was pretty cool. Cuz I found out that when you get rid of the exclusive, arrogant, selfish friends, you find out that you have a lot more friends than you thought you did. Sometimes you have to lose something in order to find something. I was in the Terrace when Nick stopped to chat. Nick is cool. He's my boss, but he doesn't hit on me. I really appreciate that. When I got up to leave, someone said, "Hey MJ" I looked up and this guy said, "Hi. I'm in your Short Story class. Did you understand anything from that story we read today?" Lol -- It was Justin, and I giggled when I got done talking to him. I must have made quite an impression on him with my presentation yesterday because he actually remembered my name.
I went to read a story for Short Story after dinner. Then I went to a poetry reading. I don't like poetry. Poetry makes me sick. Ew, ew, ew. Reading 17 Emily Dickenson poems in one day and having to answer 10 questions about each of them does that to you. Oh -- and I wasn't impressed with the one and only reading I'd attended before this one. It was my freshman year, and the poet had no respect for anyone but himself. He read poems that made fun of his wife, his children, his parents and government officials. He was using words as weapons. Making words weapons debases them. It turns a thing of beauty into pain and suffering. That is wrong.
Poetry is kind of a love/hate thing for me. I love the sound of poetry but I hate poetry because it doesn't make sense to me and I don't see the point of writing something if no one can figure out what it means. I did enjoy the reading though. It's different when the person who wrote the poem explains the thoughts behind the poem. But I don't get it -- if they have to be explained, then what is the point of publishing it in the first place?
I went to sit in Charter to finish my story after that. Sarah was there. And I cried. Sarah is one of those. Awful. Mean-spirited. She thinks she can buy my friendship. But she can't. She asked me what I was doing. When I said I was doing homework she said, "Never mind then" in a cruel way. She left and I cried. She's never said a single nice thing to me. I grabbed a notebook out of my backpack and started to write. Oddly, it turned out almost like poetry. Nikki K. and Lisa came and they asked me what was wrong. They asked if we could pray together before they went to Cru. That made me cry more. I did end up going with them, even though it was the last place I wanted to be at the time. It was ok. I stayed away from Sarah.
Yesterday was a poetry day. Honestly. I talked to a friend that I hadn't talked to in a while, and I told him about going to the poetry reading and he said that he had a book of Longfellow's poems. I told him to look up "The Courtship of Miles Standish" and check it out because it's a really good poem. I kinda like Longfellow. HOMEWORK: Everyone needs to find a copy of "The Courtship of Miles Standish" and read it. It's rather long. It's like 17 pages long, but it is an amazing, true story. And if it hadn't happened like that, then Longfellow would never have been born. Nor would I. (Longfellow and I are both descendants of the main characters in the poem.) Others of Longfellow's poems include "Hiawatha" and "Paul Revere's Ride." For hating poetry, I sure know a lot about it . . .
I really appreciate having true friends. Nikki K. and I talked until nearly 3:00 this morning. We talked about all the things that really matter most -- like life and love and happiness and then the Holy Ghost. Yay! And poetry. And stories. I read the reading part of my presentation to her because it was just so intriguing. I had to tell my class about D.H. Lawrence and then read a page from the story. We had read "The Horse Dealer's Daughter." It's an interesting story. It's a story about a woman who had been rather affluent but then her father died and the family business died as well and she became poor. Her brothers didn't care about her. They didn't want to have to worry about her so they told her she should do this or that and she never acted like she heard what they said. She had nothing to lose. No one cared. She decided to drown herself. She walked into the pond, but before she drowned, the doctor saw her in the water and went in himself to rescue her, even though he didn't know how to swim. It was really quite interesting because it sounds like the woman was so starved for love, but she really didn't know what love was. She thought that since the doctor had rescued her, then he must love her. But he did it because it was his job. He was a doctor, she was a patient. She kept telling him that he had to love her and that she knew he loved her, and he kept thinking how distasteful she was and how he never dreamed of loving her and didn't want to love her, but he couldn't not love her. The whole scene probably only would have lasted 5 minutes, but in those 5 minutes, the doctor went from not caring about her at all except that she was someone who was sick to being passionately in love with her, willing to drop everything and marry her the next day. It was quite intriguing.
This morning, Sarah called me, asking if I could work for her today. :-/ I so would have said no, but Nick is a good boss, and if I didn't do it, it would have made it hard for him. So I said I would. She said, "MJ, you're my hero." I said, "No, I'm not." Because I'm not. She's just trying to buy my friendship. I won't be bought. Never. Not by her. That girl makes me want to vomit. I had to talk to her for five minutes today because Nick didn't clarify which of us was supposed to work at 2 today, and when I came back to my room, I felt nauseous. It was sad.
~MJ
I dropped my friends, as I mentioned in past posts. It's been quite interesting. I don't miss a single one of them because the two people out of the 25 that I used to hang out with who really do care about me and want to be my friend because they want to still talk to me. (Tara, you are one of them -- I love you!) The rest pretend like they care but I know that way down deep inside, if I didn't have a car, they'd never talk to me. That's kinda sad.
It's not too easy just dropping your friends sometimes. At lunch yesterday, I sat at a table by myself, and Glen came over and asked me to sit with him and explained that if I didn't, he'd have to sit by Wade. I said, "But if I sit by you, you'll still have to sit by Wade. The only difference is that not only would I have to sit by Wade too, I'd have to sit by you as well. I don't want to sit by either of you. And I'm not in the mood for boy talk." Boy talk . . . Oh boy. All the loser boys that I know only talk about the parties they went to, are going to go to, or are planning to plan. The girls they have slept with, the girls they are going to sleep with, or the girls they WANT to sleep with. The bodies of the previously mentioned individuals. How they act when they're drunk. Everything they say is very gratuatous. They just talk to hear themselves talk, not because they have anything to say. I don't want to be a part of it.
I quite failed in my endeavors to avoid my former friends yesterday. I sat down by myself to enjoy a quick, quiet meal, and within 5 minutes, my table was full of lively, chattery chicks. It wasn't too terrible -- I just wish that people would leave me alone when they don't like me. Insisting on hanging around me when they don't like me in the first place is adding insult to injury.
Finally, I was able to have time to myself. Away from my "friends." It was pretty cool. Cuz I found out that when you get rid of the exclusive, arrogant, selfish friends, you find out that you have a lot more friends than you thought you did. Sometimes you have to lose something in order to find something. I was in the Terrace when Nick stopped to chat. Nick is cool. He's my boss, but he doesn't hit on me. I really appreciate that. When I got up to leave, someone said, "Hey MJ" I looked up and this guy said, "Hi. I'm in your Short Story class. Did you understand anything from that story we read today?" Lol -- It was Justin, and I giggled when I got done talking to him. I must have made quite an impression on him with my presentation yesterday because he actually remembered my name.
I went to read a story for Short Story after dinner. Then I went to a poetry reading. I don't like poetry. Poetry makes me sick. Ew, ew, ew. Reading 17 Emily Dickenson poems in one day and having to answer 10 questions about each of them does that to you. Oh -- and I wasn't impressed with the one and only reading I'd attended before this one. It was my freshman year, and the poet had no respect for anyone but himself. He read poems that made fun of his wife, his children, his parents and government officials. He was using words as weapons. Making words weapons debases them. It turns a thing of beauty into pain and suffering. That is wrong.
Poetry is kind of a love/hate thing for me. I love the sound of poetry but I hate poetry because it doesn't make sense to me and I don't see the point of writing something if no one can figure out what it means. I did enjoy the reading though. It's different when the person who wrote the poem explains the thoughts behind the poem. But I don't get it -- if they have to be explained, then what is the point of publishing it in the first place?
I went to sit in Charter to finish my story after that. Sarah was there. And I cried. Sarah is one of those. Awful. Mean-spirited. She thinks she can buy my friendship. But she can't. She asked me what I was doing. When I said I was doing homework she said, "Never mind then" in a cruel way. She left and I cried. She's never said a single nice thing to me. I grabbed a notebook out of my backpack and started to write. Oddly, it turned out almost like poetry. Nikki K. and Lisa came and they asked me what was wrong. They asked if we could pray together before they went to Cru. That made me cry more. I did end up going with them, even though it was the last place I wanted to be at the time. It was ok. I stayed away from Sarah.
Yesterday was a poetry day. Honestly. I talked to a friend that I hadn't talked to in a while, and I told him about going to the poetry reading and he said that he had a book of Longfellow's poems. I told him to look up "The Courtship of Miles Standish" and check it out because it's a really good poem. I kinda like Longfellow. HOMEWORK: Everyone needs to find a copy of "The Courtship of Miles Standish" and read it. It's rather long. It's like 17 pages long, but it is an amazing, true story. And if it hadn't happened like that, then Longfellow would never have been born. Nor would I. (Longfellow and I are both descendants of the main characters in the poem.) Others of Longfellow's poems include "Hiawatha" and "Paul Revere's Ride." For hating poetry, I sure know a lot about it . . .
I really appreciate having true friends. Nikki K. and I talked until nearly 3:00 this morning. We talked about all the things that really matter most -- like life and love and happiness and then the Holy Ghost. Yay! And poetry. And stories. I read the reading part of my presentation to her because it was just so intriguing. I had to tell my class about D.H. Lawrence and then read a page from the story. We had read "The Horse Dealer's Daughter." It's an interesting story. It's a story about a woman who had been rather affluent but then her father died and the family business died as well and she became poor. Her brothers didn't care about her. They didn't want to have to worry about her so they told her she should do this or that and she never acted like she heard what they said. She had nothing to lose. No one cared. She decided to drown herself. She walked into the pond, but before she drowned, the doctor saw her in the water and went in himself to rescue her, even though he didn't know how to swim. It was really quite interesting because it sounds like the woman was so starved for love, but she really didn't know what love was. She thought that since the doctor had rescued her, then he must love her. But he did it because it was his job. He was a doctor, she was a patient. She kept telling him that he had to love her and that she knew he loved her, and he kept thinking how distasteful she was and how he never dreamed of loving her and didn't want to love her, but he couldn't not love her. The whole scene probably only would have lasted 5 minutes, but in those 5 minutes, the doctor went from not caring about her at all except that she was someone who was sick to being passionately in love with her, willing to drop everything and marry her the next day. It was quite intriguing.
This morning, Sarah called me, asking if I could work for her today. :-/ I so would have said no, but Nick is a good boss, and if I didn't do it, it would have made it hard for him. So I said I would. She said, "MJ, you're my hero." I said, "No, I'm not." Because I'm not. She's just trying to buy my friendship. I won't be bought. Never. Not by her. That girl makes me want to vomit. I had to talk to her for five minutes today because Nick didn't clarify which of us was supposed to work at 2 today, and when I came back to my room, I felt nauseous. It was sad.
~MJ
posted by Mari Kate @ 2:42 PM
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