El Hambo and Pursuit
Happy news. I only have 3 papers left.
Our concert on Thursday was not so hot. I don't know what it was.... I felt like the audience wasn't into us at all. Almost like they wished they hadn't come. It was sad. Our first number, "Tanzen Und Springen" (a German piece) went smoothly until the 4th part. We messed up royally at that point. It was because we didn't know the German very well. It was so sad. Aside from that, the only other major problem was on the Brahms. We messed up on the first soprano/alto/tenor entrance in the second system. We recovered well though. El Hambo went splendidly. It's relatively trickly to sing because at the end, we have to sing in 4 different keys and then we repeat with the altos and tenors singing up a half step -- TRICKY! That and the fact that the words are completely nonsense. But it was SO fun to sing! Sadly, the crowd thought it sucked. (Or something....)
The other sad thing on Thursday was that there was a light shining in my face and I couldn't see anything.
Today we had our last concert performance. We did El Hambo again -- without rehearsing it prior to performance. It went off without a hitch. It was AWESOME. We got a standing ovation from the Men's Choral Association -- or whatever the gig was.
Mr. Svenningsen wanted to challenge me. Or else he just thought my dominant voice needed to round out the soprano section. He put me on the end of the first row -- meaning I had to lead on at performances. Yikes! It's a frightening thing to be the leader of 40 people. But it was alright.
Last night, I told Chad that I appreciated him. He said, "Alright!" Lol -- Chad makes me giggle. I had a dream about cows and Chad. In the dream, there was this cow. It was a real, live cow. But it had this button on it that would dispense ice cream if you pushed it. It was fairly odd. Then Chad started chasing me. It was a game. Almost like I was a little girl and he was my daddy and he was trying to make me giggle. But I didn't giggle. I ran away in terror and tried to lock the door so he couldn't get to me. I don't know if this is "normal," but I believe that God speaks through dreams. So what if it's not normal to believe that. I'm not a normal girl at all. I think that the part about being chased was significant. It was a game, but it freaked me out. And it was Chad, of all people. Chad is the person of my group of friends that I'm least intimidated by. He's the quietest one. He has this strange sense of humor. He wears two different colors of chucks all the time. My favorite is the pink and blue combination. (Real men wear hot pink....) And he's NOT 30 -- he's twenty-ten. Seriously. He's the one whose birthday was celebrated at Chuck E. Cheese's. Every time I talk to Chad, I end up laughing. I love that boy.... But in the dream, he was playing. And I was terrified. It wasn't about Chad at all. It was Chad simply because Chad is the one I'm least afraid of. But I was still terrified. It was about the whole idea of pursuit. I don't want to be pursued by anyone or anything. It terrifies me to know that I may be stuck in a corner somewhere with no other options. I had to decide where to go once I locked the door, and I didn't want to go to the only place there was to go, because if he managed to get through the locked door, he'd know exactly where to look. And I would be stuck in a corner.
It's about men, in a way. I desperately want to be chased. But at the same time, the whole notion frightens me tremendously. What happens if he were to find out I wasn't who I (and he) thought I was? What if we were to get all cozy and married and everything and then found out that we really weren't compatible at all? Yikes. But even more so, I'm afraid to be pursued by God. I'm afraid for Him to know all about me. And it's so silly because God knows anyway. He's the most gentle and caring Being in the universe. He knows everything about me -- but it's still frightening. It's almost like I think I can hide things from Him -- but I know I can't. He knows stuff about me that even I don't know. Maybe that's it. Maybe if He pursues me, I might learn something I didn't want to know about myself.
Maybe that's why when people talk to me about God, they tell me, over and over again that He loves me. That He's not disappointed in me. That he's totally crazy about me. That he wants to be the most important thing to me. Because I'm afraid. And perfect love casts out fear. Who's love is perfect?
~MJ
Our concert on Thursday was not so hot. I don't know what it was.... I felt like the audience wasn't into us at all. Almost like they wished they hadn't come. It was sad. Our first number, "Tanzen Und Springen" (a German piece) went smoothly until the 4th part. We messed up royally at that point. It was because we didn't know the German very well. It was so sad. Aside from that, the only other major problem was on the Brahms. We messed up on the first soprano/alto/tenor entrance in the second system. We recovered well though. El Hambo went splendidly. It's relatively trickly to sing because at the end, we have to sing in 4 different keys and then we repeat with the altos and tenors singing up a half step -- TRICKY! That and the fact that the words are completely nonsense. But it was SO fun to sing! Sadly, the crowd thought it sucked. (Or something....)
The other sad thing on Thursday was that there was a light shining in my face and I couldn't see anything.
Today we had our last concert performance. We did El Hambo again -- without rehearsing it prior to performance. It went off without a hitch. It was AWESOME. We got a standing ovation from the Men's Choral Association -- or whatever the gig was.
Mr. Svenningsen wanted to challenge me. Or else he just thought my dominant voice needed to round out the soprano section. He put me on the end of the first row -- meaning I had to lead on at performances. Yikes! It's a frightening thing to be the leader of 40 people. But it was alright.
Last night, I told Chad that I appreciated him. He said, "Alright!" Lol -- Chad makes me giggle. I had a dream about cows and Chad. In the dream, there was this cow. It was a real, live cow. But it had this button on it that would dispense ice cream if you pushed it. It was fairly odd. Then Chad started chasing me. It was a game. Almost like I was a little girl and he was my daddy and he was trying to make me giggle. But I didn't giggle. I ran away in terror and tried to lock the door so he couldn't get to me. I don't know if this is "normal," but I believe that God speaks through dreams. So what if it's not normal to believe that. I'm not a normal girl at all. I think that the part about being chased was significant. It was a game, but it freaked me out. And it was Chad, of all people. Chad is the person of my group of friends that I'm least intimidated by. He's the quietest one. He has this strange sense of humor. He wears two different colors of chucks all the time. My favorite is the pink and blue combination. (Real men wear hot pink....) And he's NOT 30 -- he's twenty-ten. Seriously. He's the one whose birthday was celebrated at Chuck E. Cheese's. Every time I talk to Chad, I end up laughing. I love that boy.... But in the dream, he was playing. And I was terrified. It wasn't about Chad at all. It was Chad simply because Chad is the one I'm least afraid of. But I was still terrified. It was about the whole idea of pursuit. I don't want to be pursued by anyone or anything. It terrifies me to know that I may be stuck in a corner somewhere with no other options. I had to decide where to go once I locked the door, and I didn't want to go to the only place there was to go, because if he managed to get through the locked door, he'd know exactly where to look. And I would be stuck in a corner.
It's about men, in a way. I desperately want to be chased. But at the same time, the whole notion frightens me tremendously. What happens if he were to find out I wasn't who I (and he) thought I was? What if we were to get all cozy and married and everything and then found out that we really weren't compatible at all? Yikes. But even more so, I'm afraid to be pursued by God. I'm afraid for Him to know all about me. And it's so silly because God knows anyway. He's the most gentle and caring Being in the universe. He knows everything about me -- but it's still frightening. It's almost like I think I can hide things from Him -- but I know I can't. He knows stuff about me that even I don't know. Maybe that's it. Maybe if He pursues me, I might learn something I didn't want to know about myself.
Maybe that's why when people talk to me about God, they tell me, over and over again that He loves me. That He's not disappointed in me. That he's totally crazy about me. That he wants to be the most important thing to me. Because I'm afraid. And perfect love casts out fear. Who's love is perfect?
~MJ
posted by Mari Kate @ 12:06 PM
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