In which I can't sleep

So . . . I have not been sleeping well lately. Not sure why. I had weird dreams last night and woke up exteremely early. I'm thoroughly exhausted. I tried to go to bed but I couldn't sleep. I am so sad because I may not be able to see my relatives that I haven't seen since 2001 because my supervisor forgot that I had asked for a day off and she can't change anything after the schedule is made. I know that God has a reason and I can rest in that, but it's really hard for me to keep that in the front of my mind when I know that it's entirely possible that I may never have another chance to see some of my family ever again.

Kelly found two people who are interested in renting with us! Yay! Now we need to get together and talk about getting money together and rules and stuff -- AND find a place to rent.

Eric and Jason made me watch Dumb and Dumber on Sunday. I could feel my brain cells dying as each second progressed. It's almost as dumb as Napoleon Dynamite. Proof that my brain cells died: I can't spell that last title. At least, I don't THINK that's right -- but I have no idea. It was hilarious when we were watching Dumb and Dumber because they came over and said we should watch a movie and I was like "ok . . . " and they selected Dumb and Dumber and I said, "I'm going to leave if you insist on watching that." Eric said, "Pretend we're back in Florida. It's a new experience for you." I said, "No!" He said, "What are you going to do? Leave?" I said, "YES!" and I walked out of the apartment. A few seconds later, Eric came out looking for me -- it was great. I feel like I'm living in a big happy Friends world -- minus all the making out and not-funny jokes. We do have jokes and stuff, but at least they're funny -- and no one is insulted by them.

My roomies are gone. Maybe that's another reason I'm so sad. They should get back sometime tomorrow.

I talked to Joyce, our church secretary today. When I was little, I listened to this radio show that had a segment on it called "Church Secretary" where a church secretary, Elsie Bjornstad, had to figure out all the mysteries that went on at church -- like why everyone asked for seconds during communion one week (someone replaced the grape juice with real wine) or why everyone got a funny rash on Christmas Eve, which prompted them to cancel the Christmas Eve service (someone was spraying a homemade cologne around the church that contained an ingredient that caused skin irritation). Joyce is kinda like that. 'Cept her mysteries are of a much, much more sensitive nature. I went to tell her my story. She told me that the Our Father is a really good prayer and I should pray that God's will be done rather than tell Him what I think His will is -- even if He's revealed to me what His will is, I should pray for His will, not what I think He has revealed to me. She said that praying for what would make us happy is putting God in a box -- and He's too big to put in a box. His plans are too big for a box. When she said that, I thought of Abby. Abby is about to have a baby, and she looks like she's going to pop if that baby doesn't come out pretty soon. God is like that baby and the box is like Abby. That little space is too confining for the baby, and it just has to get out. Likewise, God's going to pop out of my little box -- and like giving birth, it's going to be neither comfortable nor fun for either of us. It will be extremely painful for me because I may have to give up what I had thought was from Him, and it will be painful for Him too, because He's going to see my pain and He's going to cry because I hurt.

Someone might be coming this weekend. That's probably why I can't sleep. Stupid. If I could change the world, I'd make everyone born with a little plaque that said who they were going to marry so it wouldn't be such a pain. I suppose the mystery makes it fun, but it sure is a pain when you just want to be friends with someone and it's really awkward because someone else got involved and caused a lot of questions to rise and neither has the guts to bring it up to the other so the questions can be put to rest.

Now I'm rambling. I'm so exhausted. According to Tori, that means that I'm extremely depressed and I'm holding it in and I need serious help. Or else, I'm just tired and need some serious sleep.
~MK