On jobs

I was really restless last night. I thought going for a walk would help. I got over to Carmen's and they were painting in the garage. I stopped and talked with her. I never did get around to that walk. But it did make me feel better.

I went out job hunting today. I found an ad in the paper for a full-time cashier at True Value, a 9 to 6 M-F and every other weekend job. I decided to start my search there. From there, I went to the library, and they just happened to be hiring. Today was the last day they were accepting applications for the position as a children's librarian. It's perfect -- daytime hours, 30-40 hours per week during the summer and 10 to 15 hours per week during the school year. I was just like, "eeek!" and filled the app out on the spot. On to County Fair to get an app for a bakery position. Then to Bound to Read. I also applied online at US Bancorp. I figure 5 apps in one day isn't a bad number.

I was blown away by the whole thing. Everywhere I asked, they were hiring. Only one job was evenings and weekends. The rest were exactly what I was looking for, and most of them I had previous experience in. Yay! If I could pick any of them, I'd have to go for the library. Unfortunately, that's the only place I don't have any previous experience....
~MJ

Tis a gift to be simple

It truly is a gift to be one of those gals that doesn't need a whole lot. Why, one might ask. Well, because I've learned that the only thing you can really trust in is God.

I had a job. I was disposed of as an employee yesterday. The chick said it was because I was "too slow" and I was "costing us too much money" and "you will never do well at a job like this" but she made it very clear that those were just A reason and not THE reason. I mentioned to her that I could tell that she wasn't giving me the complete truth of the matter and I would really like to know the real reason and she got all defensive and said, "We're not talking about this anymore. End of discussion." Pretty sure she was hiding something there.... The reason I suspected that it was not what she said it was was because she was putting very unreasonable expectations on me. If she held the whole place to the same standards that she held me, she would have to fire the whole freaking place.

I got in my car and started to cry. Then I screamed. I screamed all the way back home. I couldn't talk by the time I got back. Heidi talked with me for a while which helped. I finally stopped crying about 6 hours later, but only for a short time. It started again when Linda got home and she asked how I was doing. I said, "I feel like if someone were to cut me in little pieces and throw the pieces to the wind, I would be more useful than I am right now."

I ended up going to Fire on the Prairie in spite of it. It was the last thing I really wanted to do, but I knew that if I stayed home and pouted, it wouldn't help the situation any and if I went, perhaps I'd feel better. I ended up almost falling asleep in the middle because I was exhausted from crying and I had taken some tylenol for a tear-induced splitting headache. But at the end, Diane said, "Stretch, come here."

Diane is the pastor there and a while back, she gave me the nickname "Stretch." It's so funny because she always calls me that now and people look at her funny cuz I'm MJ, not Stretch -- and she explains it and they're like, "oh."

Diane told me to start praying for people. That was really cool. I've never done that before. After the service was over, someone asked me what my plans for the summer are and I said, "I don't know anymore. I was working -- until today." He brought me to Diane and asked her to pray for a job for me and she told me that God is going to give me something even better than that job was. Yay. That's awesome.

It's been a rough couple of days. Ruthie asked me later if I had told Nate and Chad about my job. I didn't talk to Chad at all and I didn't mention it to Nate, although I think he probably figured it out. She said, "I'll let them know." It boggles my mind that they even care. Not that they're the kind of people who wouldn't care -- I'm just not used to having people notice me at all -- and let's not even talk about whether they care about my situation or not. It's kind of weird. But it's nice. On Sunday, I was talking to Ruthie about my not wanting to be around the guys and she said, "You don't hate them. You're just afraid, so you put up walls to keep yourself from being hurt. You think that you're fooling people -- but you really aren't. Everyone sees through it -- even the guys." That blew me away. They know this stuff, but they choose to like me in spite of it. It almost made me cry....

I was going to get a hair cut and buy new shoes when I got paid. Now I've decided to ask my grandma to cut my hair and postpone the shoes until I have a job again. This is sad. I mean, honestly. I've needed the shoes for like 6 months now....
~MJ

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:29–32

Birthdays and sin

Birthdays are emotionally distressing. People always give me books that I will never read. I'm beginning to freaking hate books. It wouldn't be so bad except that they write in the front so that it is impossible to return them. I'm left having to lug them around with me every time I move, two to five times a year. It's like carrying a freaking bag of bricks around.

A bag of bricks both in the physical and the spiritual sense. It's fairly obvious what I mean by a bag of bricks in the physical sense. It gets to the point where it's freaking ridiculous. I think I have a good-sized storage container's worth of books of which I have never cracked the cover -- and I never will.

The latest is entitled "Experiencing the Cross: Your Greatest Opportunity for Victory over Sin" by Henry Blackaby. Talk about a spiritual bag of bricks. This is the last book I need to read. Oh, alright. So "The DaVinci Code" might be worse. But honestly. I think I've had sufficient revelation about the topic of sin and there is no reason why it needs to be addressed in my life at this time. I am by no means saying that I'm perfect and sinless. I'm not. I just get it. Perhaps better than most people do. Perhaps better than even the author of this book does.

First off, the author clearly has issues with pride if he thinks his book is our "greatest opportunity" for anything. Perhaps he should take a look at his own advice.

And secondly, God is not a God of condemnation. I have no need and no desire to expose myself to teaching that belittles or condemns that human condition. God certainly doesn't behave toward or think about us in the way that most Christians think He does. My God is full of mercy and abounding in love. Yes, it's true that He will not tolerate sin for any reason. But He knows that we aren't little Gods and He is not surprised when we sin. This is not to say that sin is not an issue. It is. But what no one seems to get is that God doesn't beat us over the head when we're naughty -- and neither should we. We need to realize that we have a sin nature and that we will never measure up to His standards by our own good works. But we should not glorify our sin nature by giving it undue attention. Don't go around calling yourself a sinner all the time. Sinners are like actors. Actors put every drop of energy they possess into becoming the best actor they can be. Likewise, sinners put every drop of energy into being the best sinner they can be. Sinners are people who have not repented of their sins and refuse to live for His glory alone. It's not being human that makes one a sinner (although either way, the sin nature still exists). What makes someone a sinner is his or her refusal to acknowledge God's gift of Salvation and refusal to follow Him. When we accept both, then the title of sinner is removed. The sin nature still stays -- it is inevitable that we will sin. But we are no longer under condemnation.

As far as I'm concerned, the "greatest opportunity for victory over sin" is to quit condemning ourselves. God, who is holy and the only one who can really condemn anyone anyway, doesn't. So why should we? By condemning ourselves, we're being more "holy" than God, and that don't cut the mustard. When we go around thinking we have to be perfect in everything we do and never sin (although that would be wonderful and very honoring to God, it is ridiculous to even think that's possible), we're only setting ourselves up for failure. Don't make sin a non-issue. Do confess it and be sorry when it happens. But don't expect yourself to be perfect. Don't beat yourself over the head about it. When we expect ourselves to be perfect, we're putting unreasonably high standards on ourselves. We're bound to fail. We develop a psychological condition called "learned helplessness." We give up on our pursuit to please the Father because we always fail. Strive to live a holy life. But don't be surprised when you fail. It will happen. And when it does, go to the Father and repent. Ask Him to give you victory over the sin. He will. But it's a process. It goes by baby steps.
~MJ

Tommie Leigh Spencer

Sometimes I wonder why people believe me when I tell them that I'm not Tommie Leigh Spencer.

As I was walking to lunch, my cell phone rang. It was the Nokia Tune ringer, indicating that it was someone whose number wasn't in my "Contacts" list. I looked at the number -- it said only "701."

What the flip! I answered and the guy on the other end said, "This is the Cass County Sheriff's Office..."

I freaked out. I just read a story about getting calls like this.

"...We have a subpoena..."

But I've been a good girl! I haven't eaten anyone... I haven't been drinking or doing drugs. I haven't even sold any drugs... And I haven't been in Cass County since March.

"...For a Tommy Lee Spencer."

I finally breathed again.

"I'm sorry. I'm not Tommy Lee Spencer and I don't know who he is."

The Sheriff's office dude laughed. "Tommie Leigh Spencer is a girl," he said, "Thank you for your time and have a good day."