God will Increase

I just realized today that my middle name (at least the longer form of it, Josephine) means "God will increase." I think that's cool. God will increase. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about some things that my mentor told me and Nate's shirt. Interesting combination, hey? The first time I met with my mentor, she asked me what she could pray about throughout the week until she saw me again. I told her that I wanted to always be in God's presence and to continually have His thoughts and His words flowing through my mind and mouth; to, instead of being a Sunday Christian, be flowing in His Spirit continually. She told me that people spend so much time and energy trying to "muster up" God's Spirit in them when it's not necessary. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, which means that we are always, always exposed to it. But that's when Nate's shirt comes in. Nate has a shirt that says "Got Overflow?" What I was looking for was overflow. Carmen told me that to be continually walking in the Spirit, one must first be full of it. Then, one needs to stop making themselves the key thing. Just let God do His thing.

On Friday, I was resting for a while before heading out to Clarkfield. I was thinking about Nate's "Got Overflow?" shirt. And God gave me this:

God, fill me up
From head to toe
Then make me little
So I'll overflow.

I just want to be little so that God can be big and so He can do things through me. I'm a vessel to hold His glory. But I want that glory to be so big that it can't be contained in the confines of the vessel.

I used to feel as if I was too little to contain all my problems. I felt overwhelmed at them. But God is doing a work. My problems, the things of me, are shrinking. And God's Presence, His peace -- basically, everything about God, is growing in me. Pretty soon, the things of me are going to start to diminish even more. I will be only a very small part of who and what I am. The rest will be all about God. And God will increase.

El Hambo and Pursuit

Happy news. I only have 3 papers left.

Our concert on Thursday was not so hot. I don't know what it was.... I felt like the audience wasn't into us at all. Almost like they wished they hadn't come. It was sad. Our first number, "Tanzen Und Springen" (a German piece) went smoothly until the 4th part. We messed up royally at that point. It was because we didn't know the German very well. It was so sad. Aside from that, the only other major problem was on the Brahms. We messed up on the first soprano/alto/tenor entrance in the second system. We recovered well though. El Hambo went splendidly. It's relatively trickly to sing because at the end, we have to sing in 4 different keys and then we repeat with the altos and tenors singing up a half step -- TRICKY! That and the fact that the words are completely nonsense. But it was SO fun to sing! Sadly, the crowd thought it sucked. (Or something....)

The other sad thing on Thursday was that there was a light shining in my face and I couldn't see anything.

Today we had our last concert performance. We did El Hambo again -- without rehearsing it prior to performance. It went off without a hitch. It was AWESOME. We got a standing ovation from the Men's Choral Association -- or whatever the gig was.

Mr. Svenningsen wanted to challenge me. Or else he just thought my dominant voice needed to round out the soprano section. He put me on the end of the first row -- meaning I had to lead on at performances. Yikes! It's a frightening thing to be the leader of 40 people. But it was alright.

Last night, I told Chad that I appreciated him. He said, "Alright!" Lol -- Chad makes me giggle. I had a dream about cows and Chad. In the dream, there was this cow. It was a real, live cow. But it had this button on it that would dispense ice cream if you pushed it. It was fairly odd. Then Chad started chasing me. It was a game. Almost like I was a little girl and he was my daddy and he was trying to make me giggle. But I didn't giggle. I ran away in terror and tried to lock the door so he couldn't get to me. I don't know if this is "normal," but I believe that God speaks through dreams. So what if it's not normal to believe that. I'm not a normal girl at all. I think that the part about being chased was significant. It was a game, but it freaked me out. And it was Chad, of all people. Chad is the person of my group of friends that I'm least intimidated by. He's the quietest one. He has this strange sense of humor. He wears two different colors of chucks all the time. My favorite is the pink and blue combination. (Real men wear hot pink....) And he's NOT 30 -- he's twenty-ten. Seriously. He's the one whose birthday was celebrated at Chuck E. Cheese's. Every time I talk to Chad, I end up laughing. I love that boy.... But in the dream, he was playing. And I was terrified. It wasn't about Chad at all. It was Chad simply because Chad is the one I'm least afraid of. But I was still terrified. It was about the whole idea of pursuit. I don't want to be pursued by anyone or anything. It terrifies me to know that I may be stuck in a corner somewhere with no other options. I had to decide where to go once I locked the door, and I didn't want to go to the only place there was to go, because if he managed to get through the locked door, he'd know exactly where to look. And I would be stuck in a corner.

It's about men, in a way. I desperately want to be chased. But at the same time, the whole notion frightens me tremendously. What happens if he were to find out I wasn't who I (and he) thought I was? What if we were to get all cozy and married and everything and then found out that we really weren't compatible at all? Yikes. But even more so, I'm afraid to be pursued by God. I'm afraid for Him to know all about me. And it's so silly because God knows anyway. He's the most gentle and caring Being in the universe. He knows everything about me -- but it's still frightening. It's almost like I think I can hide things from Him -- but I know I can't. He knows stuff about me that even I don't know. Maybe that's it. Maybe if He pursues me, I might learn something I didn't want to know about myself.

Maybe that's why when people talk to me about God, they tell me, over and over again that He loves me. That He's not disappointed in me. That he's totally crazy about me. That he wants to be the most important thing to me. Because I'm afraid. And perfect love casts out fear. Who's love is perfect?
~MJ

Happy news!

I got the job!

I only have 16-1/4 papers to write now! Goal: Get done with at least 4 more full papers before bed tonight. Think I can do it?
~MJ

On interviews

My interview turned out to not be an interview at all.

I got to the place a little before 10:00 and the first thing I saw was my friend Josh at the receptionist's desk. I told him that I had an interview at 10. He said I needed to fill out an application and then I'd do a skills test and then I would be interviewed if I passed the skills test.

The first skills test was a math test. You all know how bad I am at math. I was a little concerned until the lady told me that the only reason they did the math one was so they'd know that you could calculate how many hours you'd worked. I laughed. (I have to do that all the time at Commons....) There were three questions about that and then some about the number of circles different numbers of degrees made (720 degrees is how many cirlces?) and then one about ratios. I managed to get 100% on it. I was freaking excited because I'm SO bad at math....

The lady said, "Since you did so well on the first one, we can move on to the second one." I had to wrap wire around a washer 15 times. I had to use a crochet hook to pull it through. It was really fun. I did it perfectly.

I got to move on to phase three. That was connecting the washer things to another thing by wrapping the ends of the wire around little posts. Perfect once again.

The lady told me that since I'd done everything perfectly, she would give my paperwork to Josh and he'd tell me what to do. Later, I found out that Josh is the assistant HR person. Josh took a look at my papers and he said, "You did exceptionally well. How did you feel about the work?" I told him that I thought it was fun and it was really relaxing. He said, "So it's something you're interested in doing?" I said, "Definitely!" He asked if I was still in school and when finals week was. He said, "So, you couldn't start until the 15th?" I told him I might be able to do something during Finals week. He asked if I could wait a minute and I said, "I have class in 4 minutes. I could wait though." He said, "No. Just go to class. I'll call you later."

Linda works there, too. I told her about my "interview" and she said, "They'll want to snatch you up. They don't often have people who are that good at the job and when they find someone, they really want to get them." She told me that they'd probably put me in the area where they work on what we did in the skills test, simply because I was so good at it. She said that she had thought they'd hire me for the stock room (it pays better but it's more frustrating), but I'm pretty likely to be put in assembly.

I'm excited. M-F, 7:00-3:30. No weekends. How awesome.
~MJ

Overwhelmed

I have an interview tomorrow. Ugh. I hope I get the job because I honestly don't have time to waste being interviewed by people who aren't interested in anything I have to say.

I don't have time to waste being interviewed by people who aren't interested in anything I have to say because of what my professor told my class today. She told us that back in the day -- oh, roughly a hundred years ago or so -- there was this machine that they used in the construction business. It was big and noisy and practically indistructable. Indistructable because they haven't made any new ones in ages and yet some still exist. (They just keep fixing them and they keep going....and going....and going -- sorta like the energizer bunny.) Anyway, back in the day, they would put these large metal balls in the machine and turn it on and it would turn the balls to powder. The powder was used to coat the building materials to make them stronger and more durable. The powder was so dense that a man could take a shovel and scoop out a pile the size of an apple and that was as much as he could carry at one time.

I don't have time to waste being interviewed by people who aren't interested in anything I have to say because my life has become like the powder. Stuff is so densely packed right now that I barely have time to breathe. Last week, I was double-booked twice in a row. I left something that I really needed to be at to go to something I couldn't miss. The second thing overlapped with something that I really needed to be at also.

It's getting intense. Cami and I managed to pull off our presentation today having only gotten together to discuss it once and talking on the phone once. (We just didn't have time....) It was kinda nice because the class was as interested in our info as we were.

But on top of that, we have to write a 10 page paper. It won't be such a huge deal because Dr. Butler made it sound really easy -- but it will take time. AND I have 5 papers due next week and I have to give Dr. Wilson my ideas (or, as she puts it, "Ideers") for the final paper in the class AND read a book AND I have the choir concert on Thursday and some small singing thing for choir on Saturday. The next week, I have to write 6 papers and attempt to write 2 final research papers, study for a test, revise my poems and short story and put together my two portfolios. But then I will be done and I can move out of this freaking box into a real home. Hallelujah!

I don't have time to waste being interviewed by people who aren't interested in anything I have to say. But I need a freaking job so bad I could just scream with the intensity of it all. Last night, my mentor and I went over some questions that I was supposed to answer for her about myself. One of the questions was "how are you handling your finances?" I giggled hysterically and I said, "I have no finances to handle...." Half of my monthly income goes to pay my cell phone bill. And my bill isn't all that much. AND, my job is going to be done in only 3 weeks anyway, so yeah. I kinda need another one because I'm practically broke right now. And I'm going to have to start paying rent soon after finals week is done.

I hope I get the job. My friends told me that I needed a job that was either during the day or overnights because if I worked evenings, they'd never see me. I'm going to have so much going on this summer that I need some stability in my job and I need to be able to be like, "On July 3, I'm going to be working from 7:00 to 3:00" (or whatever shift I end up working). None of this freaking working 3 hours here and 7 hours there and never knowing if you're going to work weekends or weekdays or mornings or evenings. I've been talking with people about this a little and they tell me to "call it in" -- which means to pray for it and speak out that that's going to be what I get. So, I have been. And then I got this call today for an interview for a job at BH Electronics. The schedule would be M-F, 7:00 to 3:30 with no weekends. Starting wage is $8.00, which is more than I think I've ever made per hour. If I get this job, I'm going to be making more than twice what I make per month at Commons -- EVERY FREAKING WEEK! And I'll be free to hang out with everyone in the evenings and travel with the band on the weekends. It's going to be good.

The lady told me that the only thing she saw in my info that concerned her was that I couldn't start until 5/15. She asked if it was possible that I could start earlier and I told her that it's not because of classes and my other job. But, I might be able to give my Commons hours to someone else during finals week and then I'd only need a 3 hour period off on Wednesday for my final. That might work.... And then I could move during the evenings and be out of here by, oh, late finals week. That would rock my pants off. (Not literally.)

Eeek! I hope I get the job. I'd be working with Linda and possibly Rachel. I can hardly wait until I move in with them. I'm going to have a set of parents and 5 or 6 sisters. Ruthie, Rachel, Gloria and Heidi and possibly Holly. (Holly depends on certain factors.) And Beka and Matt will be visiting sometimes. It's going to be great. Almost like being at home, except all the siblings will be girls ('cept when Matt visits) instead of boys. What fun! And we're going to go camping and visit Nate's cabin and go to Kansas City again and go to Minneapolis and Fargo and cripes. I can hardly wait. It's going to be a blast. Last summer rocked -- but this one is going to be a million and one times better. Eeek!
~MJ

My baby brother likes a girl

Back in the day when Timmy was a baby, we swore that he and Leah were going to like each other. But then we didn't see Leah's family again for like, 10 years.

Timmy's gone wild for this gal named Kim. At least they're roughly the same age. He told me that he was having a hard time telling her that he loved her. And I decided that he needed a list of rules and boudaries to base his relationships with young ladies on. And thus, "Rules for Appropriate Conduct with Young Ladies" was born. (Keep in mind that this was written to a teenager who has no business being involved with young ladies right now at a level deeper than friendship.)

Rules for Appropriate Conduct with Young Ladies

1. You're 15. You don't even know what love is yet, really. Tell her that you appreciate her. The word "love" should always be reserved for your family and your fiancee. She is neither.
2. When you're 15, it's appropriate to talk with her and hang out. Nothing more.
3. When you're at an age where it would be appropriate to consider marriage, then it would be appropriate for you to tell her that you loved her, but not until you were fairly certain that you were going to really be getting married.
4. Hugging is ok, but only when it is clear that you're only doing it because you see her as a sister and you are doing it as a brother. UNLESS you were in a romantic relationship with her.
5. Once you reach an age where it would be appropriate to consider marriage and you were in a relationship with a girl, it would be appropriate to hold hands and hug, but only after you were reasonably certain that you were going to get married. This doesn't mean that you have to wait until the day before you propose. It just means that you shouldn't be rushing into things.
6. Once you get engaged, it is ok to kiss her, but you need to be careful what ind of kissing you're doing -- in other words, no tongue! It makes it too easy to move on to other stuff.... I would suggest short kisses and avoid the mouth as much as possible.
7. When you are married, you can sleep with her.
8. Until you're married, no touching her posterior.
9. Never use the L-word unless you are in a romantic or familial relationship with someone of the opposite gender. It is too awkward for everyone involved. Instead, say, "I appreciate you."
10. No calling someone of the opposite gender "Babe" unless she is a family member, your significant other -- or a pig. Her name is Kim. You can call her Kim.

How about that, hey?
~MJ

quotes of the day

"It takes longer to swallow a pill and spray crap up your nose than I thought it did." In other words, I was almost late for church.

"I would write music but I'm technically and theoretically stupid when it comes to music." I think that one speaks for itself.

Someone told me on Friday that I was going to write and sing wedding songs. That's really interesting because I really -- at the time -- didn't like weddings.

Every week, God picks something new to take away. It's kinda nice. It's not nice at the time because He always asks me to give up something that I really want to hold onto (like bitterness, for example), but when I give it to Him and let Him do His thing with my life, I feel so much more at peace. That's the nice part. The sad part is that seriously, He could probably do this thing for a year and I'd still have a long way to go.
~MJ

So-ah....

I'm sick for the third time in less than a month. I am freaking sick of being sick.

In the next week....

• Lab report for Psych due Monday
• Going to Minneapolis for a training thing for Prepare on Friday (4/7)
• Prepare goes to Senate on Thursday (4/6)
• Prepare meeting on Thursday (4/6 and 4/13)
• Paper for Critical Approaches due sometime next week
• Ellison to be read by Monday
• Sing at church on Sunday
• Practice for Clarkfield gig on Saturday
• Research Methods survey to be handed out/data collected
• 10-12 page story to be written by 4/12
• Publicity for Prepare 4/13
• Clarkfield gig on Friday

And probably a plethora of other things that I'm forgetting.
~MJ