In which I have an ok day

I learned a lot of things today. Like, I learned that if you have high public self-conscious, you tend to draw larger eyes when you draw a smiley face. Dr. Butler told us that after we each drew our faces and my eyes were teeny-tiny. But I already knew that I was a person high in private self-conscious, so it didn't surprise me. And I learned a lot about self attribution and Z-scores and high need for affiliation versus high need for intimacy. And I learned a lot about Mrs. Hutchinson. Yay for me.

I was on my way to lunch with Nikki and we met the homecoming king coming the other direction. He looked right past Nikki and said "hi" as his eyes travelled to me. And then he smiled and went on his way. It made me happy.

My "friends" make me crabby. Note: If I gave you the link to this site, you're not one of them.
~MK

Boredom smasher

1. First name? Mari
2. Were you named after anyone? My grandma and my aunt and another chick that like a cousin 47 times removed or something like that.
3. Do you wish on stars? Nah. Prayer is more effective.
4. When did you cry last? September 16 -- I didn't just cry. I screamed and then I cried for two hours because I couldn't handle it anymore.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Eh . . . So-so. It's unique but not pretty.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Lunch meat makes me sick.
7. What is your birthday? May 10
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? The Armstrong ones.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Nope. Definitely not. I'd be like, "Dude -- that chick is nuts!"
10. Do you have a journal? Yes
11. What are your nicknames? MJ
12. Would you bungee jump? Maybe, but only after I saw someone else do it and then only if the homecoming king convinced me that I should try it.
14. Do you think that you are strong? Oh yes. Most definitely. Too strong.
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate
16. Shoe Size? 9
17. Red or Pink? pink. definitely pink.
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? the fact that I can't concentrate on my schoolwork long enough to study for tests.
19. Who do you miss most? The homecoming king
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? No. Of course not . . .
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? Blue jeans and pink shoes
22. What are you listening to right now? nothing
23. Last thing you ate? hamburger
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Mountain's Majesty
25. What is the weather like right now? gorgeous -- perfect temp, slight breeze . . .
26. Last person you talked to on the phone? Timmy. He sang me that song from The Sound of Music "I have confidence in sunshine . . . " and it made me giggle
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? personality, intelligence, and eyes
28. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No. I hate you Nikki. (Kidding! I heart you!)
29. Favorite drinks? I'd probably have to say water, even though it's lame.
30. Favorite Sport? Eeek! Basketball! First home game is 11/29!!!! Hockey rocks too.
31. Hair Color? kinda like honey.
32. Eye Color? deep blue. Except when I cry. You don't want to see them when I cry -- they're frightening.
33. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses
34. Favorite Food? whatever. I'm not fussy.
35. Last Movie you saw? Prince & Me -- eeek! Bestest movie ever!
36. Favorite Day Of The Year? whatever day I get to take a nap and do nothing at all if I want to.
37. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Definitely happy endings
38. Summer or winter? Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling yoo-hoo . . .
39. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses with caramel. Or hugs from the homecoming king. Or from other people too.
40. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? whatever. Not fussy.
41. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? nobody
42. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? everybody
43. Who lives in your house? Miriam, Alissa and Sam across the hall, Sarah, Rachel, and Lisa upstairs, and I don't know who lives downstairs or up farther than Sarah, Rachel and Lisa.
44. What's under your bed? 3 storage containers with books and paper in them.
45. What books are you reading? The Bible, specifically, Matthew.
46. What's On Your Mouse Pad? "DELL"
47. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? I wrote a paper last night.
48. Favorite Smells? Stacy. And Love Spell. And clean babies.
49. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Not familiar with either, but would probably have to say the beatles anyway.
50. What's the furthest you've been from home? Probably Panama City Beach, although I'm not sure if it's further than Philly or not . . .

In which the world needs to stop for like a week

So I can get caught up. I think I just wrote one of my worst papers ever, and I have to keep remindig myself that I'm here so I can get married and have babies. Not for a degree. Not for a job. Just so I can get good grades so I can graduate and . . . get married and have babies. Nah -- kidding. I'm here so I can get good grades so I can graduate and get a good job that pays lots of money so I can get married and have babies. And buy Pam. Really, the paper was probably about as good as the ones I wrote in July for my Lit and Film class but I have mixed feelings about the grade. Yay for babies. And Pam.

Why do they call it Pam, anyway? I've always wondered -- back when I was about 6, when I heard someone say something about spraying something with Pam, I asked my mom, "Mom, how do you spray Pam?" I really didn't think my cousin, Pamela, could do that . . .

Yay for almost selling a raffle ticket to the homecoming king. He would have bought one had he had money with him. He had to borrow money from Scoop for pie and he jokingly said he was going to use it to buy a raffle ticket instead because "I'm going to win $500" but Scoop shot daggers at him with his eyes and he decided that he had better just pay for his pie and wait on the raffle ticket. I'm so going to sell that boy a ticket. That's my project for the week. I'll tell him that ticket #321 has his name on it and it's a winning ticket -- and I know this because it's like I have ESPN or something. Yay -- what fun. It was totally sweet that I ALMOST had a sale cuz I honestly didn't expect to be able to sell any and he seemed so willing to buy. Does that say anything about what he thinks of me, do you suppose?? And Tim (the Tim of Tim and Lisa, the world's most boring soon to be marrieds -- they're just way too predictable. They never laugh or joke and they don't seem to be getting married for any other reason than that it's what is expected of them, they're "perfect for each other" and so they can do married people things. Yeah. Sound appetizing? It's not.) Anyway, Tim asks me how my sales are and I'm like, "Ha! If I sell one I'll be lucky!" But today, I could tell him that I ALMOST sold one, and I'm going to work on him until I DO sell one. Yay me!

Paper due tomorrow. Paper due Friday. Presentation stuff needs to be done by Friday. Test Tuesday. Need to decide on an artist to research for my research paper by Friday. Write a lab report by some time next week. But at least I can stay in choir for the entire period next Thursday. Yay! The clock needs to stop so I can catch up on this stuff -- and on sleep.
~ZZZZ~
~MK

In which my intellect completely takes leave of me

I worked the weekend at Commons. It's rough. So, so boring. I entertained myself by writing "When Mommy was in college . . ." stories. I've had mixed reactions to them. Please let me know what you think of them . . .

1. When Mommy was in college, gas prices were too high. So, she stayed home and made her own fun. Then I was born and now she's poorer than ever.

2. When Mommy was in college, she met a boy who looked good in tight pants. He doesn't talk to her anymore. I think it has something to do with his pants. Or lack of pants.

3. When Mommy was in college, she met a nice boy. They got married and lived happily ever after -- until I was born. Then they died.

4. When Mommy was in college, she went to a party and drank too much and passed out. Uncle Mike had spiked her punch. Then, my cousin was born. Mommy was traumatized by this, so she went to see a psychiatrist who turned out to be Uncle Mike's brother and they lived happily ever after -- until I was born and Daddy got arrested for having improper relations with a patient. Then they got married and Uncle Mike kidnapped my cousin.

5. When Mommy was in college, she worked at Commons. She frightened the public safety people. I don't know how I came into being. All the boys were afraid of her. I think Mommy drugged Daddy.

6. When Mommy was in college, she was kidnapped by aliens. Then the nice doctors put her in the hospital because she had schizophrenic tendencies. She met a nice intern there who doesn't know he's my father. Or so she says -- I think Mommy hasn't quite recovered from the schizophrenia.

7. When Mommy was in college, her job was boring on weekends. She lost her mind after someone put trace amounts of cyanide in her grilled chicken sandwich. One weekend, Mommy was having one of her "Not-quite-right-in-the-head" spells. One of the football boys came to rent a vacuum and Mommy said, "You don't need to vacuum your room . . ." Mommy put up the change run sign, turned off the lights and locked the doors and she and the boy made wild love in the Commons Office Manager's office. In the middle of it all, Mommy stopped breathing and the football boy ran away. Michael came in 10 minutes later and found Mommy unconscious and called 911. They put Mommy on a breathing apparatus because her Mommy and Daddy weren't ready to say goodbye. After almost a year, I was born and then Mommy died.

8. When Mommy was in college, she was madly in love with the homecoming king, but he wouldn't talk to her. So, she devised a plan. She concocted a special love potion from beef broth and various veggies (primarily tomatoes, carrots and potatoes) -- and broccoli -- and served it with apple pie on fine china. Upon tasting the scrumptious morsels, the homecoming king was immediately mesmerized by Mommy's beauty and got down on one knee and said, "My darling . . . will you be my queen?" So they got married the next day like the doctor and the chick in D.H. Lawrence's "The Horsedealer's Daughter," and unlike the doctor and the chick, they lived happily ever after and made pretty stories, pretty music, and pretty babies for the rest of their lives -- until they got tired of making pretty babies. Then I was born.

I feel stupider for having worked this weekend. For all who care, HyVee has SMSU Student Day every Sunday now. It's a 5% discount on your purchase with a student ID.

Idriss asked me last night if I was going to spend the evening writing novels. Lol -- he makes me giggle.
~MK

In which I was wrong

Eeek! Coronation was awesome. Not cuz of the comedian -- he was rather sick. I did enjoy his blonde freshman girl impression -- he sounded just like me. It was great! Aside from that . . . he talked about Micah's testicles, which was NOT ok -- Micah probably enjoyed that way too much. As long as I've known Micah (which has been since the first day of classes my freshman year), he's been overly proud of his testicles and other reproductive . . . necessities.

Guess who wasn't crowned King! Niko and Kate didn't win! Yay! I mean, no offense -- they're just not worthy of it. Achheyta was crowned queen (she's one of the sweetest girls I've ever known here) and Eeek! Andy was crowned king!!! I thought I was going to die . . . Next time I see him I'm going to refer to him as "your highness" or something and see how he reacts.

It's so cool -- but at the same time, I feel really bad for them because they have to ride in a convertible at the parade on Saturday and it's supposed to rain. Sad day!
Eeek!
~MK

In which I predict the 2005-2006 homecoming King and Queen

Should I go to Coronation tonight? Or to church? Hm . . . I'd be willing to bet $50 that Kate will be queen and Niko will be king. That is totally sick but unavoidable. I asked Debbie if I should go to church or to coronation and she said, "Go to chruch." I asked why and she said, "Personally, I don't want to see Niko and Kate crowned." Then she said, "You know they're going to win, right?" I said, "I've been predicting that for a week . . . " If I were one of the royalty, I'd refuse to even go because I know I wouldn't stand a chance anyway. I HOPE that it turns out like Niko's attempts to be the most girly guy on campus. He's been in the Miss Tootsie thing every year since our freshman year and he's always gotten 2nd place. Maybe I should go so I can laugh really hard if he doesn't win. That would be fun. I think Niko should have been a candidate for queen, not king. I know he's going to win because he's the biggest jerk on campus -- why would he NOT win?

I feel bad for all the other candidates. And their parents. People are probably travelling long distances to see their kids at this thing and none of them have a chance because Kate and Niko had it won before we even had a chance to vote. Oh, the injustice of it all . . .
~MK

In which . . . I win!

Shelly has "The Spark Plug Award" thing going on at Commons. She has this little plaque thing that says "Spark Plug Award" and has a spot for the name of the person who won it each month. I came into Commons this morning and Shelly said, "Congrats -- you won the Spark Plug Award." Eeek! In order to win this thing, one must be prompt, get their work done, and mostly, have a cheerful and infectious attitude. One of the RAs came in and said, "Congrats on winning the award. You're my hero -- I want to be more like you." And another one said, "How do you win that? Is it because you're always so happy and friendly?" I don't need all the publicity -- but it's nice to hear so many positive comments. I have to think back to last year at this time, when I was going insane because I was having roommate issues and family issues and weddings coming up and a broken foot and I lost my voice . . . I am completely different now than I was then. I kinda like it. Considering the extent of the change, it just has to be God -- one can't do this on their own.
~MK

In which I (was) very distressed and (am) very blessed

I was going to go home Friday at 3:00. Jaclyn was going to come with me. At 2:00 I decided to get some last-minute things done, so I got in my car, buckled my seatbelt, turned the key . . . and nothing happened. I called home and panicked because this was the SECOND thing in two weeks that had gone wrong with the car -- and they were both just before I was going to go home. It made me sad. Everyone said that it sounded like it was the battery, so I got Stephen to give me a jump, but his girlfriend was impatient and told me that "all the jumping in the world won't help" because "you have a bad battery." I said, "Fine then. Just go -- I'll figure it out myself." So they left and Jaclyn called her family and said she wasn't coming.

I went to Commons and started to cry and Patti asked what was wrong and I told her what happened and she said, "Do you want me to call a garage for you?" And Michael came in and asked if I was ok and I told him what happened and he said, "Well, if you can get the battery out, you can hook it up to my battery charger and maybe that will work."

Meanwhile Beich came in and saw me crying and asked what was wrong. I said, "*sniff* my car won't start, *sniff,* and I need to take the battery out. Do you know anything about batteries?" He said, "No . . . what's it doing?" I told him that it just clicked when I tried to start it and he said, "It sounds like the alternater to me . . . " I began to giggle hysterically and I said, "Do you know anything about fixing alternaters, Beich?" He said, "No." (Thanks anyway Beich. I heart you!)

I went out and took the battery out -- all by myself -- and carried it the 1/4 mile to Commons and Michael hooked it up and then I hung out for a while and then Scott helped me unhook the charger and I put it back in and the car started right up. Yay!

I didn't want to turn the car off, because I was afraid that it wasn't going to start again, so I left it running when I was in Shopko picking up my glasses. But then I had to gas up and I HAD to turn it off. But, it started right up and I said, "Eee!"

I was finally on my way. I was only 3-1/2 hours behind schedule, which was probably pretty good considering that I had had so many difficulties and I really had no idea what I was doing when I was trying to fix the problems.

I got some new CDs last week, and I was listening to them on my way home, but they kept skipping. I was so confused because it was just the Chris Tomlin ones and they'd never been out of the box before and it just didn't make sense. (I decided that they must have been demon-possessed or something because I listened to both of them again today and they worked just fine.)

When I got home, I started to open my mail and I found that my bank had decided that I had overdrawn my account, which, according to my records, I hadn't -- I had always been very careful with my money and I wrote down EVERYTHING I had done with my account, and I knew I'd never overdrawn. I was so frustrated with everything that I started to scream -- quite literally -- and cry and my parents asked what was wrong and I told them I had 5 overdraws on my account and I didn't know why except that I had transferred money so I could get gas and apparently, the check from the gas station had gone through before they put the money in, and it wasn't my fault, because I TRIED . . . It was SO sad. I cried for an hour. Then I went to bed and cried some more.

It's so neat to see how God does things. I was thinking about the whole situation and calculated that I would have had to work 34 hours to make up for this and then try to get ahead again after that, and what do you do? I can't afford that -- if I'm going to be working, I need to be able to keep the money because I really don't have time to be working in the first place with all the other stuff I have going on. I thought about how if the bank just takes your money from you for reasons that aren't your fault and shouldn't be your responsiblity, what's the point of even living? No one can ever get ahead that way. I decided that I kinda felt like I'd been date raped by my bank -- because I had no idea about the fees they were taking out, so I just kept writing checks, and they charged me for all of them -- and every one of the checks would have been good if they hadn't taken the money in the first place or if they had taken it from my savings account instead. I felt like they waited until I had no idea what was going on and then pounced on me and took advantage of me in ways that I didn't know about until afterward. It was terribly frightening for me because if they can do this to a poor, innocent college student, then is there really anything that they're NOT allowed to do? All these thoughts were going through my mind and I was freaking out and crying and then finally, for no reason at all, I completely calmed down and stopped crying. It was almost like God was telling me that it was going to be ok. Not that I'd get the money back, but that I'd be taken care of and I didn't need to worry and cry about it.

Then I woke up and cried again. I looked online and found out that they had taken a total of $140 from my account in overdraw fees and I didn't know why because they listed my deposit before the check for gas so that wasn't the reason. Then I realized that they had taken money out for my new checks and that was the only reason I had overdrawn. I had forgotten to write it down because the box hadn't said how much they cost and if it had, I would have thought to write it down. Dad and I went down to the bank and told them what happened. I told them that I hadn't been made aware of any of the overdrafts and I had had this going on for 2 weeks, and how was I supposed to know when it takes 4 days for any notices to be delivered? My parents don't open my mail and they didn't know what the notices were so they couldn't tell me. The banker lady printed off all the transactions and did all the calculations and she said, "I'm going to refund everything because without all the overdrafts, your calculations match mine to the penny." I almost said "eek!" So she filled out some paperwork and my dad put some money in my account and told me not to write it down so that I couldn't be overdrawn and he asked them to change my account so that in the event that I overdraw, they'd take it from my savings and not charge me for it. Yay!

Jon and Stacy's party was stellar. Tons of fun -- I saw relatives I hadn't seen in ages, and I as I just told Michael, they're cool -- none of them bite. We had so much fun and then we all went to Willy's in Dilworth for dinner. My mom even came!

It's so amazing how God does things. I think Friday was one of the most intense days of my life -- comparable to the Friday 53 weeks previously (to the day) when I broke my foot. But today, things completely turned around. I went to church today and I was chit-chatting with Nancy and Mom after the service and Nancy said, "When is your birthday?" I said it was in May and she said, "Oh! I missed it. Here's some money for a birthday gift" and handed me a $20. I was like, "But . . . " and then I told her about the car and the money thing and she said, "Here -- go get a new battery" and handed me another $20. She said she was going to put that money in the Benevolence Fund thing and Dale (her husband) always put money in it in addition to her contribution and "you need it more than they do anyway." God is so good . . . And then, I was talking with Brian, Patience, Morgan, Adam and Timmy, and Brian turned to me and said, "I heard you singing . . . Do you want a job?" I was like, "Um . . . I kinda have two already . . . " Lol He said, "Do you want to sing on my team?" I said, "I'd love to -- but I'm not here very often." He asked what was going on to keep me away and I said yeah -- I'm kinda living 3-1/2 hours away. It was totally cool to have him ask me because I was so distressed with choir and stuff that I almost quit it AND my worship team at my church. I told him that if they need me when I'm in town I'd be happy to help them out. Yay! How FUN!

I was trying to figure out why all this happened in the first place. I mean, why the tire? And then the battery? And then the money? I had been pondering the whole situation with Andy and trying to figure out what would be "going too far" (as far as what to say to him) and I had prayed that we'd be able to talk. Was this God's answer to my prayers? Was He putting me in a spot where I could not control ANYTHING simply so I'd go to him for help -- or at least for a shoulder to cry on? I almost called Andy to help me with the battery, but I knew that his phone never rings when I call (he's not one to make that sort of thing up) and I knew he probably wouldn't answer anyway so I didn't. With the money thing . . . Oh my goodness. I almost called him again -- even though I knew he wouldn't answer anyway. It was like with everything that happened, I came just a little closer to the edge and a little closer to crossing a line that I didn't think was healthy for me to cross. Like I've told him in the past, I don't think girls should go to guys when they have issues because girls tend to think that if a guy looks at them, he automatically falls in love with them when in reality, she probably just had smudged make-up and he couldn't help looking. Even though I'm well aware of this phenomenon, I still don't think it's good for me to go to a guy when I have problems because it produces the "damsel in distress/knight in shining armor" effect, and I don't want to see him as my knight in shining armor unless he WANTS me to be his damsel in distress -- his maiden to rescue. And so, I didn't call him. BUT, I did decide that I definitely must talk to him at some point and now I know what to say, so it's all good. And it would be good to discuss stuff in a rational manner when things are not chaotic for me, don't you think?

That's my weekend in a nutshell. (Anybody jealous?) Oh -- 'cept that Curious George Clooney died. Sad day! My brother told me that it's quite possible that I may need a new alternater anyway, and he told me how to replace it and what to say to the nice boys at the car parts place if I have to go get one. Yay! He made it sound really easy to replace. Dad and PeeWee said that I should be a mechanic. (My uncle Denny told me not to listen to my dad -- lol)
~MK

In which . . .

I really am ok with not being in anything with someone. At least, I am to a point. That point is where I can't handle professors and people at work and all the projects and stuff I have to do anymore and then I'm like, "I want to take a nap, but I can't pencil a nap in until after 10/4, and I don't want time to pass because with the passing of time comes May, and with May comes Graduation, and with Graduation come sad good-byes." (And ones that I don't mind, too, but I'd rather have Andy AND the people that I can't stand than peace and no Andy.) Now that I think about it, I should keep in mind that the same thing happened two years ago with Matthew P., but I got over it and I can hardly stand seeing him anymore when I DO see him, which is way more often than I want to.

But that is depressing. That's like . . . it's almost dehumanizing my poor friends by saying that. Maybe I have psychological issues or something. Whenever I stop being around any of them, I start to hate them. But . . . I don't want to hate poor Andy.

I saw a spider making a web today. It was cool cuz it made the string thing and then it sucked it back in. Totally cool.

Have you guys ever liked someone and not really been too upset about it -- until you got stressed out about something else? It's quite an interesting phenomenon. It's like you can't handle things and the only thing that will make things better is that ONE person. So annoying . . . Cuz, your obsessing about it only makes all the other things seem worse, and then you want him MORE and it's totally ridiculous. It's a vicious cycle.

Tomorrow I have homework due and a test. Next week, I have two tests. The following week, I have a paper and a presentation. I want them to be done -- but I want it to stay today forever. Cuz I don't want him to leave. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

And I want to go to Sioux Falls next Friday, but I have to work at 6:00 and I have choir until 5:35 and people are leaving at 5:00, but if I don't go, I'm going to go insane because I haven't done anything fun since like . . . I can't even remember when, it's been so long. Dude . . . I'm trying to find someone to work for me and there's a good chance I'm going to be quitting choir, but if not, then I'll just ask someone if they could hold up until 5:30 because it doesn't take 3 hours to get to Sioux Falls.

I was telling my sister-in-law all this stuff and she said she could hear my hormones screaming over the phone. It's not a hormone thing, I don't think. It's a comfort thing. According to the Bible, women WERE originally Adam's rib -- and that means that they were close to the heart and under the arm. That translates loved (close to the heart) and protected (under the arm) -- or one might say hugged too, which I wouldn't complain about. I just want someone to love me. And take care of me.

You know, this reminds me of a cut on Plumb's "Beautiful Lumps of Coal" CD, where her mom asked her (She was about 4 years old) what she would do with her husband if she was married. She said, "Love him. And kiss him. And dance with him, too." I want someone to love, kiss and dance with. Can I? Please?

Timmy asked me today, "what if Randy were to say 'you and I are going to have a lot of babies' to you?" I said, "If Randy told me that I was going to have his babies, I'd seriously have to kick him in the balls." Timmy was terribly shocked. Aw well. It was probably good for him. Serves him right, telling people things about me that he shouldn't be telling.
~MK

In which my parents rock

Three years ago, when I came to school, my parents were so adamantly opposed to the notion of my going to college that they gave me financial information for financial aid purposes only under protest.

Six months ago, things were so crazy that I would have stayed at school during Spring Break before I went home. I couldn't handle it. It was too much to spend a week there.

Things are different now. I asked my mom for money on Saturday and she said she'd get back to me about it. But she didn't.

This morning, my dad called and left a message saying to check my oil and then clean out the glove box. I was like, "Yeah dad . . . I know. Adam or Timmy stuffed random papers in there. It's a mess." I thought perhaps he'd taped a quarter to the dipstick or something to make me giggle -- you never know what my dad might pull . . . So, after I delivered the mail (Eeek! I got two packages!), I went out there to check the oil and to clean out the glove box. The oil was fine. And when I opened the glove box, I found a stack of hundred dollar bills. Eeek! There was $1100 there -- just two hundred shy of what I owed the school. I'm still in shock -- I never dreamed that they'd do that for me! God is good!

So, I went to pay my bill and I told them to apply my next Commons check to my balance and then tell me how much I still owed. Between the Commons check and the money from Mom and Dad, I was able to pay the entire balance (something I didn't think I'd be able to do without a loan) and I had enough left over to pay for my new glasses AND I had $20 left over.

God is SO good! I can't believe how things have changed in my family. I hope and pray that things will continue to change and that my parents will go to Jon and Stacy's open house this weekend.

I will love You, Lord always
Not just for the things You've done for me
And I will praise You all my days
Not just for the change You've made in me
I'll praise you for You are holy, Lord
And I'll lift my hands, but You are worthy of so much more

For You are awesome, God of the Nations,
Lion of Judah, Rock of the Ages, Alpha, Omega
You're worthy of all praise More that these hands I'll raise
I'll live a life of praise

I will serve You Lord, always for You are my strength
When I am weak
I will never be afraid for You are my rock and You protect me
But I'll praise You for You are holy, Lord
And I'll lift my hands, but You are worthy of so much more

For You are awesome, God of the Nations,
Lion of Judah, Rock of the Ages, Alpha, Omega
You're worthy of all praise More that these hands I'll raise
I'll live a life of praise
(Casting Crowns)

~MK

In which I didn't die -- but A.W. apparently did

Whoever would have imagined that if we read the textbook, the homework would be easy? Oh my! What a concept! I was doing stats homework and I didn't die! I actually LIKED the math part. It was SO fun! Yay! What I don't get is the vocab (what in the world is a dependent variable?) and the stupid tech. lab. Blah -- it's super-duper stinky when the computer saves the files incorrectly and then closes the programs before you have a chance to print them and your prof tells you that you have to do it all over again if you want credit for the lab.

I got a call from Timmy the other day. When I checked my messages, I had one from Timmy that informed me of the demise of his beloved fishie, Andy Wiersma. Oh dear. Apparently, Andy Wiersma got sucked into the filter and died. Poor thing . . . I changed my MSN name to "TJ's A.W. died" and a few hours later, Lisa stopped me and said, "MJ . . . What is your screenname all about?" I laughed and said, "Sunday was Timmy's birthday . . . " She said, "Is A.W. a fish?" I said, "Yeah . . . " She said, "Seriously, the first thing I thought when I saw that was 'Andy Wiersma is dead? WHAT?' and then I thought about it and I realized that I had seen him on Monday and he was fine so he couldn't be." Then she proceeded to explain that if I had just said, "Andy Wiersma died" to her, she would have jumped out her window in an attempt to kill herself and it would be really horrible because she lives on the first floor and she'd have to climb higher to get through the window than she'd actually fall and the worst that would happen would be a sprained ankle. And then this dude named Jason (I think . . . ) joined her and he thought I was insane because the comet is named Curious George Clooney. Yay. And then I found twenty dollars. (Or not -- but it sounded good.)

And I thought there was something else I was going to add, but I don't remember what it was, so I shall depart to wash my hair. I heart you all!
~MK

In which I hate papers

My mom made me clean my room up today. It wasn't dirty so much as it had papers lying around everywhere. Apparently, I get a ton of junk mail and bank statements and junk. I haven't had a chance to clean my room in a long time because I haven't been around and when I was around, I had a ton of junk (stuff that I need at school) in there and I couldn't clean unless I moved everything out. I hate stuff. If I could, I would throw away absolutely everything I own except for the stuff I use and my books and the two pictures that my great-grandmother gave me. I hate stuff . . . I threw away about 5 reams of paper from the junk mail that had accumulated since my sophomore year. I had to keep a couple more reams of paper because I guess it's the law. Stupid laws . . . It made me mad. I just want to throw it all away. I paid my bills -- why do I have to let it accumulate?

That was depressing . . . And now I have to try to cut curtains for Stacy, but Timmy won't help me and I need someone to hold the tape measure so that I cut straight.

Things I must accomplish before going back to school:
Cut curtains
Put stuff in my car
Dry the rest of my laundry and fold them
put gas in my car

Gotta be back by 9:00 tonight. Will I make it? (Note: I'm only on here because I am waiting for the laundry -- going to load my car as soon as I'm done here.)
~MK

In which we name the fishies

I got Timmy fishies for his birthday. I got 3 feeder goldfish and a comet. The comet was christened Curious George Clooney. The little ones were Adam W., Brian Burke and Andy Wiersma. Yay. Honorable mention is "Benedict Arnold Schwartzenegger." Those boys are frisky little guys.
~MK

In which I have a sweet dream

I had a dream in which Athletic Math Boy was flying through the air and he stopped just long enough to kiss me on the cheek as he passed. Isn't that sweet?

I feel like I'm living in monochrome. Or something. Cuz I can't change my font or color today -- really stinks.

Wow -- 15 years. Today is Timmy's birthday and we had a party with Jon and Stacy. Yay! We had Adam come too, and that was fun. Woo-hoo!

Stupid quotes:

"You rock my pants off!" ~M.J.
"Dude . . . Your zipper doesn't work." ~T.J.
"Why are you playing with my zipper?" ~A.W.
"Is that a gorilla?" ~M.J.
"Don't touch my fanny!" ~M.J.
"Are you talking about your boyfriend or your brother?" ~S.J.
"He's not my boyfriend!" ~M.J.

Then we talked to Jedd and that rocked my socks off. Yay! I haven't talked to him in ages -- like, since the day after my birthday. Woo-hoo! He had to be stitched up yesterday cuz he cut his finger. That is so sad . . . I wish there was a Jedd at school. He's a cool dude.
~MK

In which I talk to Jen M. and my fair city reaches a state of mayhem

I saw Jen M. today, and she took me aside and said, "I saw you a few times over the summer and every time I've seen you, you've been exstatically happy. What happened?" Eeek! Kelly called that one! She told me that people were going to be so surprised at how different I am from even six months ago. Yay! It's totally God. He and I have been on a few dates, one could say . . . and He's talked to me about a lot of things. One of the reasons I was so sad all the time before was because I couldn't like myself and I couldn't like myself because I didn't have anyone else who liked me so I couldn't see anything about myself TO like. And, I had a lot of issues with my parental units and a lot of sadness about various things that had happened and I just couldn't deal with it all. But as I've told my Cru boy buddies, the only reason I couldn't deal with it was because I was hiding behind it and I was only letting people see that it was there, but not letting anyone else know exactly what "it" was. Then I had to write some stuff for Cru and I had to tell the boys exactly what "it" was and I learned that when you stop trying to protect yourself, God honors it -- you become stronger when you show that you're weak and you heal when you stop hiding your brokenness. I was sad because I was hurting, but the Lord has taken my sadness and hurting away. I used to be in so much emotional pain that I cried myself to sleep nearly every night but now I can't remember the last time I cried. Then the Lord started to show me how precious I am to Him. It says somewhere in the Bible that He holds us in the palm of His hand. That gives me a vision of each of us sitting in His hand and He's gazing down at us with love and pride in His eyes, kinda like a new mum and dad examining a newborn baby. One day I was at home and I couldn't handle my boys anymore so I went to the river to ponder and I thought about the verse that says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I've always loved that verse, but I hadn't thought about it in a while. After I went home, I began to think about it when I went to bed that night and I was praying and it was almost as if God said to me, "You know MJ, I delight in you way more than you could ever delight in me. You are so precious and so beautiful and so perfect in My eyes. I created you the way that you are, and everything that I do is perfect. You're not a mistake. You're not unlovable. You're not anything less than perfect, beautiful and precious." As I thought about that, I realized that if God finds me perfect and beautiful and precious, then I certainly MUST be, because there are so many other people out there that He has to deal with too, but He took great care in making me just how I am and I fit his spec sheet perfectly. And then I lived with Shannon and Sara and Lindsay and Kelly, and they are amazing and they let me know that yes, I am good enough and lovable. And being neighbors with Eric and Jason and with Beich in June and Andy and Scoop every so often was good too. God has done a lot with me this summer. I am just so thankful that He made it possible for me to stay here and to be with the people I've spent the summer with and that He's allowed me to work more with worship at church and get to know Joyce and . . . God is good!

My fair city is going nutty over gas. I'm stressed about it too, because I have to go home and come back twice in the next month to the tune of roughly 220 miles each way times roughly 10 cents per mile at current gas prices. ($3.11/gal) Ouch . . . that would be $22 each way for a total of $88 and that is totally way too much to be spending when I owe the school a lot of money by Oct. 19 and I have no idea where I'm going to get the money . . . I think I need a fairy godmother or something. Or a rich prince. Or a knight in shining armor who will kill things and plunder and pillage to provide for my needs. People around here are predicting that they're going to start rationing gas and if we go home for Labor Day, we may not be able to get back here on Monday because there won't be any gas to be had -- even if we could afford to pay the outrageous prices they're going to be asking (at least $4/gal if not more) by that unholy date. I can't decide if I want to go home or not with that threat hovering over my head. I want to see my family, but I want to come back to my church and my "family" there and to Cru and to my jobs here. I guess I don't have a choice, what with having to see my eye doctor and getting my tires replaced and doing curtain stuff.
~MK

In which I could not have seen Andy's deltoids at a worse time

I finished my tire adventure this afternoon. I asked the nice man if they could put my tire back on for me, and he said, "Sure. Just pull your car over to the back and they'll take care of it for you." I did and the other nice man dropped everything and said, "I'll get right on it." Not only did he put it on, but he put the baby tire back in my trunk and screwed it in and then he said, "You need to replace these as soon as you can. They're beginning to wear and they'll be ok for a while, but if they're not replaced you're risking a blowout." I asked if they'd get me home cuz I have an appointment to get them replaced this weekend and he said I should be fine. Yay! What a sweet guy . . .

Then I went to HyVee Gas. That hurt a little bit . . . I calculated my gas mileage and then figured out how much it costs to drive one mile and it's just over 10 cents a mile. If you look at it that way, it doesn't seem so bad . . . It just isn't pleasant to have to pay for 300 miles all at once. Ouch.

I'm in a King Jimmy mood -- have been for like a whole week now. I was freaking out about the whole issue of paying for school and gas prices and where is the $1279.80 that I owe the school going to come from? I was hurrying off to Choir, contemplating which banks I could rob to pay my bills (I'm kidding . . . but it sounded good) yesterday when I saw something shiny on the floor in Porter. I turned around to look again and I saw a quarter on the floor. I picked it up and put it in my pocket and resumed my running off to choir. When I got back to my room later, I was thinking about the quarter and how I've found SO much money just laying on the sidewalk since I moved back and King Jimmy popped into my mind.

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." ~Phil. 4:19

Yay! I think I'm going to keep that quarter to remind me that He really WILL provide for all my needs.

I was trying to get ahold of my dad all day long so I could ask him if I needed to come home early Friday or if I could wait until Choir was done. Unfortunately, I didn't get him until I was walking past the weight room, and . . . oh boy . . . Andy was lifting. When I'm on the phone, I tend to just say whatever it is that pops into my mind -- but I was talking to my dad and a girl just doesn't say "Whoa! Andy has nice deltoids" to her dad because her dad would say, "What are deltoids and why are you looking at them?" which would necessitate her singing her muscle parody of the Dry Bones song that goes like this:

The BICEP muscle connected to the DELTOID
The DELTOID connected to the TRAPEZIUS
The TRAPEZIUS connected to the STERNOCLEIDOMASTOID
The STERNOCLEIDOMASTOID originates at the CLAVICLE
Now hear the word of the Lord.
Them muscles, them muscles . . . aren't gonna walk around cuz
They're kinda arm and upper torso muscles
And they can't exactly walk . . . ANYWAY
Them muscles, them muscles . . . aren't gonna walk around cuz
They're kinda arm and upper torso muscles
And they can't exactly walk . . . ANYWAY
Them muscles, them muscles . . . aren't gonna walk around cuz
They're kinda arm and upper torso muscles
And they can't exactly walk . . . ANYWAY
Now hear the word of the Lord.

Same song, second verse . . .

The GLUTEUS MAXIMUS connected to the . . . Crap! What was it again?
Oh yeah, the HAMSTRINGS
The HAMSTRINGS connected to the GASTROCNEMIUS
The GASTROCNEMIUS originates at the ACHILLES TENDON
Now hear the word of the Lord.
Them muscles, them muscles gonna walk around
cuz they're leg muscles and they can DO THAT
Them muscles, them muscles gonna walk around
cuz they're leg muscles and they can DO THAT
Them muscles, them muscles gonna walk around
Cuz they're leg muscles and they can DO THAT
Now hear the word of the Lord.

Yeah -- the whole time I was trying to talk to my dad about gas mileage and tires I was thinking about my parody and trying not to giggle and not succeeding and fortunately, my dad is used to my giggling for no reason at all and didn't ask what my problem was. Yay. Apparently, nearly 31 mi/gal is really good for my car, and I should count my blessings that the nice tire guys didn't make me pay more to have them put my tire on. And we all lived happily ever after.
~MK