Fashionable footwear

I went to the doctor today, and he told me that I have to wear the bootie for 3 more weeks. Sad day . . . He said that I can't jump or do any stunts until after I go back for an X-Ray the first week of November. How sad . . . He did say that it's ok for me to drive, which is awesome. :-)
~MK

Professors

I failed my Micro test. How fun . . . I went to Dr. G's office to collect my grade, and when I looked at the test, I said, "Dr. G, aside from changing my major, how can I save my GPA?" He said, "It's that bad?" Well, kinda. Cuz I HAVE to get a B in it or I have pretty much no chance of getting into my school. There was another person in the room at the time, and he said, "If you aren't so good in science, then why are you in a major that requires so much of it?" My family won't let me change. I told them that and then I had to go.

I went to the lab today to practice gram stains, and when I was finished, Dr. G confronted me on the whole idea of staying in my major when it's so difficult for me. He is such a sweet guy. It's what I really want to do, but I seriously wish I could graduate tomorrow and get it all done. I'd love school if the classes weren't so hard for me. And if I didn't feel like I should be at home taking care of my baby brother. He told me to hang in there, cuz it's much more fun to be in college than to be graduated -- because when you graduate you're just as poor as you were in college, and when you're in college, there's a reason behind why you're so poor. Lol -- that's a great point!
~MK

Flirtatiousness . . . And weddings

It was beautiful -- and completely full of surprises. Aw, flirtartiousness . . .

On Thursday, just before the rehearsal was going to start, I started to cry. And it went downhill from there. I found out on Thursday that I was guestbook chick -- Yay for being the last person to find that out! Tim knew, and everyone else knew. That was the first surprise.

After the dinner, I completely lost my voice. It was so sad! :'( I had to take my grandpa and grandma to get Grandpa's tux, and it was kinda fun cuz there was a cute boy helping him. He's been there every time I went there -- from fitting to picking them up to returning them. Makes me wonder if he ever has a day off! Lol -- he was very sweet, too. He asked me what happened to my foot and then he told us about a wedding that they did tuxes for in which the wedding party had a car accident 2 days before the wedding, and so they had someone who had a broken ankle and someone who had a broken arm. It was sad, but completely hilarious, too. We had to leave Grandpa's jacket there to be altered and when I picked it up, I didn't put my bootie on, cuz it was a pain and I was only going to be walking like 10 feet anyway. He looked at me and said, "I can't even tell anything happened to you!" Lol -- he's a sweetie. :-)

The wedding was very emotional for me, and Andy knew it was going to be, so before the wedding, he pulled me aside and said, "Don't you DARE cry, or I will stop the whole thing and straighten you out!" Lol -- I did very well. I only cried at the beginning when he stopped by me and gave me a hug. I would have completely lost it, but Stacy was sitting beside me and she kept squeezing my hand. It wasn't so much that he was getting married -- it was just that he's been my best friend forever. It was the little boy that sewed my doll's head on that was getting married. And the little boy that untangled my hair when it was knotted. And the little boy that shared his cars with me and let me sleep in his bed with him when I was scared. It was the boy that sat up well past midnight and talked with me about everything and nothing -- when we were only 10 and 12 years old. It was the boy that used to fly kites with me and play on the playground. It was the teenager who defended me when people were mean to me and who held me when I was sad and listened to me when I needed to talk. It was the man who knows me better than I know me. And I love him like no one can even begin to comprehend. And he was getting married. And so I cried. Not because it was sad, but because we have so many happy memories and some not-so-happy. I cried remembering them; I cried, looking to the future, hoping and praying that things will be better.

And I cried out of frustration with my parents because they didn't show up.

The wedding was completely beautiful. It was one that deserved to be cried at because of the beauty and simplicity of it. Looking back at it, the readings, the music, everything, was completely Andy and Becky. It couldn't have been more perfect.

At the end, they were presented as Becky and Andrew C. I could not have been more surprised. Andy had asked me what I thought of the idea of him changing his name, and I thought that he had been joking. I asked him what he was going to change it to, and he said, "Princess Fiona." He ended up taking her name. He told me that it was because he had problems with taxes because of our last name (which is completely possible -- everyone manages to mess it up), and that was the last straw for him. And too, I suppose, there's not really much in it for him if he kept our family name, considering that as far as my parents are concerned, he's pretty much dead. They don't even talk to him or about him anymore.

The third surprise was the cream colored 195? truck the best man happened to find for their ride to the reception. It was just awesome. Gene brought it to the door, and Andy and Becky came out of the church, and you should have seen the looks on their faces. It was just so cool! We got tons of pictures.

I cried again at the beginning of the reception. They were playing Sinatra, and everyone started clinking their china, and I started to cry because Mom and Dad SHOULD have been there, but they weren't. My uncle Denny sat down at our table just as the tears started to run down my cheeks, and he said, "Mari Jo, there's something on your face!" And I laughed through my tears.

It was just the most awesome time. I had so many people tell me that my brothers and I were all so elegant and proper and that we knew what we were supposed to be doing, and they were so proud of us. They kept telling me how pretty I was and how handsome my brothers were (they were!), and I can't understand (and neither could they) how my parents could choose to stay away. And so many of my aunts and cousins hugged me and cried on my shoulder because my parents were so special to them, but they didn't even get to see them. They cried for us too, because we deserve better than this. We just learn to deal with it -- we don't learn to like it, but we learn that this is the way it is, and it's not going to change. It's disappointing, but it's doable.

Everyone told me that when I get married, I have to have a bigger wedding than Andy's. Wow -- that would be huge. Lol -- I think I'd have to invite everyone I've ever met! Cousins told me that if my parents weren't going to be there for me, they WOULD be there, and we could do it without them. It's amazing how much support we have! Don't be so nice to me, people! It makes me cry!

A bunch of my tuxedoed family were congregating before the wedding, and I went over to them and I said, "You guys look *so pretty!* They all laughed at me and one of them said, "*Girls* are pretty, *boys* are handsome!" Gene said, "You're so *handsome* Mari Jo!" And so, for the rest of the night, I was called handsome and the boys were all pretty. It was SO funny!

I found out that my writing resembles my paternal grandmother's writing. Lol -- we got out the last few letters we got from her before she died when I was 2, and I read them aloud to my family. We nearly died laughing. In one of them, she said something about asking my grandpa to do something, and he told her that he couldn't because it hurt too much and that she didn't know what pain was. She said, "I guess he's right. I've only had 2 miscarriages, 3 babies, 2 surgeries, a broken neck, and migraines every day of my life. How could I know what pain is??" She was telling about trying to sell their farm, and Grandpa wanted more for it than he could get, and Grandma said, "He seldom takes off his rose-colored glasses, and I seldom put mine on. I guess that's one reason why we don't see eye to eye."

~MK

How could it be?

How could it be? Only 2 more days until I have a sister-in-law. And 10 days until I have another one. It was so funny in Micro today, cuz Matthew asked me if I was going to the Vine, and I said, "I can't -- my brother is getting married that day. And my other brother is getting married 8 days later." Matthew was speechless. For the first time since I met him, he actually shut up and didn't say anything for like 5 minutes. It was great! Lol -- Dr. Greenfield was quite perplexed.

So, I had quite an interesting day. I went to the library to make some copies, and Glen walked up the steps and he saw me and he came into the library and gave me a cookie. I couldn't find my copy after I had made it, and I was like, "Where did my copy go?" He said, "It's right here, honey . . . " I said, "I was so confused for a minute . . . " Then he said, "Here's a tip for you. Sit in the front row." Huh?

He's been really strange lately. He practically asked me out last night*, and then he saw me sitting on the bench by the bathroom (I just didn't want to be in the office, so I was sitting there since there was nothing to do in the office anyway), he said, "I need to go on an errand. Can I lure you along with candy and stories?" He can be so incredibly sweet when he WANTS to be, but he can be a huge jerk sometimes. Louise says that he's smitten, but I know he likes Brianna, and I heard it from his mouth, so I'm not going to worry about him. It's just weird. And nice. He asked me what I did to hurt my foot, and when I told him I stepped in a gopher hole, he said, "Oh. What did you REALLY do?" When I gave him more details on it, he said, "I thought that was just BS to cover up something stupid that you did. That's what REALLY happened??" Lol -- I know it's not glamorous, but yes, I broke a bone by stepping in a gopher hole -- with the OTHER foot.
~MK
*He walked in the office and said, "who wants to be my date tonight?" The only people in the room were Eliza, Charlie and myself. The offer WAS open to me, and I told him later that I only declined because it would mean going on a date, and that is something I don't do. He was perplexed, so I said, "I'm inert. I don't need any negative charges," and I left it at that. Lol

Argh . . .

Your love has captured me
Your grace has set me free
Your life, the air I breathe
Be glorified

You set my feet to dancing
You set my heart on fire
In the presence of a thousand kings
You are my one desire
I stand before You now
With trembling hands lifted high-
Be glorified.

(Even though I want to strangle my roommate)

Come See the Softer Side of Mari Jo.

Do I have a softer side? For serious. So, Eddie was being weird last night, and Tim called me. Eddie attempted to hold my hand which completely traumatized me, and I screamed and went crazy, and everyone said, "Do you have issues?" Um, yeah. Don't touch me.

I figured out why I don't like being touched. Cuz I like it too much. And no one who has the RIGHT to touch me ever will, so I don't like other people touching me because it reminds me that I'll never have it -- if that makes sense. And I'm completely exhausted . . .

Interesting slogans:
The Mari Jo Sign Means Happy Motoring.
If You Want To Get Ahead, Get A Mari Jo.
Reach for the Mari Jo. (But don't touch her!)

We were playing Maffia at the campsite, and I was maffia 3 times in a row. It was sad, because Ryan and I murdered Andy W., and I didn't want to, but you can't really discuss it. Emily accused me of murdering him, and Andy Z. made up a story about how someone gave Andy W. a protein drink which made him die. I had to defend myself, and I said, "I would NOT have tried to kill Andy with a protein drink, because I'm going to be a nurse when I grow up, and I KNOW that protein drinks make people more healthy, and by giving him a protein drink, I wouldn't get very far with the whole murdering thing." Lol -- and besides, I could have said that I would never kill Andy anyway, because Andy is the one person on this campus that I consider a worthy gentleman, and I would never murder a worthy gentleman when they're so few and far between! But that would have been weird for Andy, and I would have blushed profusely, so I didn't say that. Sad day . . .
~MK

Six days!

Eee! I get a sister-in-law in SIX DAYS! And another one in THIRTEEN DAYS!

So, the doctor called me and told me that I had a broken bone. Nice -- took them two days to figure that one out. So, on Wednesday, I went to the doctor and got a bootie to wear to make it better. After L. and I got back to school, we were sitting at State Street, and people I knew kept walking past. A. came by and he looked at me and he said, "I realize you wanted to hurt yourself yesterday, but . . . " then he pointed at my foot and said, " . . . I didn't think you'd actually DO it!" Lol -- the reason I wanted to shoot myself was because my foot hurt like the dickens.

I get so much positive attention now . . . Last night a bunch of us went to visit some friends who were camping. I was standing there, and A.W. asked if I wanted his seat -- how completely sweet . . . N.B. shared his water so I could take a pill because the foot was beginning to ache. People open doors and stop to see how I'm doing all the time. I feel like a princess -- except that princesses usually don't HAVE to break bones to get that much attention.

We were learning about antibiotics yesterday, and Dr. G. told us about one that makes your body fluids turn orange. My future sister-in-law used to work in a day care, and one little boy got menningitis and died. The whole day care center had to go on this drug. S. was working with 2- and 3-year-olds at the time, and she said that it made potty training really easy. I told Dr. G. that, and he said, "I should try that!" Um, no. We don't need to put his poor child in danger just for potty training . . . Lol
~MK

I think I am going to die

I hate office people. I hate phones. I hate classes. I hate roommates. I hate my foot. I hate everything. Why does everything have to hurt?

At least I have one thing going for me. I don't hate boys.
~MK

Brokenness . . . brokenness is what I . . . long for??

I don't think so . . . Seriously! Something is very wrong with my foot -- just in time for me to have to wear a lovely something-or-other and use some beautiful crutches at my brother's otherwise almost-perfect wedding. How sad is that? I can't drive . . . I most likely won't be able to work, either.

But then I thought about it and I decided that maybe it's a good thing. My aunt was going to travel with me, and I know she would drive if I can't. But, if I stay at home (which I was planning on doing anyway -- I will need to do laundry), I won't be able to get TO the wedding, and I'll have to ask Mom and Dad to take me. Maybe this is the only way to get them to go. If that is the case, then it's well worth it.

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord; blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord; blessed be Your glorious name

Meanwhile, what's a chick to do? I'm hungry! I think I'm going to have my aunt take me to the doctor tomorrow.
~MK

Tird . . . tire . . . d . . . tired? How do you spell that?

My professor is going to be unhappy with me because I didn't practice my lamaze. I have interesting professors. At any rate, I can tell him that I tried it while I was driving home, and it made me sleepy . . .

Thoughts

Written Friday, 9/3/04 ~ 11:58 P.M.

Driving home today, I asked Jaclyn this question: "If you were older than you are and you'd never had a boyfriend, do you think you'd still want one?" She said, "I don't know . . . what do you think?"

It's not a matter of thinking. It's a matter of knowing -- for me, anyway.

Eventually, you get to the point where people much younger than you are getting married. At that point, you start to think, "Screw it . . . relationships are stupid anyway." But way down deep inside, you long for companionship; you long to be held; you long for closeness. You long for all the things you'll probably never have, and then you get small and withdraw because you're only 22 and you realize that you have not and will probably never contribute to society. By withdrawing, you lessen your chances of having those things until they are completely gone and you live out your days crying for what could have been, what should have been, and what will never be. You spend your nights regretting the mistakes of the past, hating the monotony of the present, and dreading the emptiness of the future.

Weddingness . . .

So, now I have an exact date and time for Jon and Stacy's wedding. And I saw the dress. And the flowers. And the ring. And they have the license. Looking for a house. Going to get rings on Wednesday. (They have Stacy's mom's ring, but they want to have one made like it for Jon and they are going to get a little diamond ring too.) Eee-ness! I am SO excited!

Stacy has a magnet that has a picture of a baby girl and it says, "Please God- let him be cute and single." I went to say "Bye" to Stacy yesterday and she said, "You can take that now if you want." Lol -- I said I'd get it AFTER they're married because they don't want people to suspect anything. Hehehe.

A number of interesting things happened this weekend.

Phil, my Blockbuster boy . . . friend (NOT Blockbuster boyfriend, or even boy friend) happened to be shopping when I was at work!!! He was disappointed when I said I wasn't necessarily going to be around the next time he was in.

I sprained my ankle and my toes turned blue for a few minutes. It was spiffy.

I hate microbiology. I hate hearing Katina telling everyone that she always got 22 out of 20 possible points every week in lab. Loser girl.

I talked to Dave!

I got two letters in the mail today! :-)

Seventeen days until Wedding Number 1! Twenty-five days until Wedding Number 2!

~MK