I love God's sense of humor

My Mum just called me. She told me the REST of the story....

Timmy called me this morning and told me that someone rang the doorbell and when he opened the door, the guy said, "Excuse me Ma'am.... I mean, sir.... is that your car over there?"

The rest of the story....
Timmy has really curly hair. It's quite thick and long. But my brother is ginormous -- honestly, even though he's my "baby" brother, I'm pretty sure he's over 6 feet tall (if he's not, he's close....) and he's much larger than me.

Timmy closed the door and turned to my mum and said, "Man. I need to get my hair cut."

I almost died laughing when Mum told me that because Timmy likes his hair a lot. But obviously, he likes being all masculine much more than he likes his hair.

We've been trying to get him to get a trim for a while now. God totally has this stuff figured out. All we have to do is wait for Him to do something and it'll all turn out peachy-keen. Timmy got his hair cut later this afternoon.
~MJ

Sick of being sick

I've come to the conclusion that I will never sit in the smoking section of a restaurant again. For one thing, smoke is disgusting and it stinks. And then there's the fact that I get sick every time I'm in there.

I was talking with the dudes (and Erin and Kelly) about my issues. To be specific, I can't stand men. Something came up about two weeks ago that revealed my inner dislike of men. I got over that thing, but the dislike of men thing was (and is) still revealed. The summer before my freshman year, my mom gave me a book that said that women who go to college turn into feminists. I would beg to differ. If women turn into feminists at college, it's because circumstances brought out a hidden feminism -- something that was always there, but it didn't surface until something came up that uncovered it. That's what happened to me.

I wouldn't say that I'm a hard-core feminist. I just don't trust men. Nor do I appreciate them. Nor do I want to get involved with them. It's because a lot of the men I've dealt with were far from ideal -- and I ain't talkin' just in the looks department. I'm talking lack of respect, controlling/manipulating behaviors, refusing to take responsibility for their actions. Those sorts of things. And when there has been a man in authority over me, they've made it clear that they were top-dog and nothing I had to offer was ever going to be appreciated or accepted. I don't like men.

I was telling Kelly and Erin and the dudes about this last Monday. It took a while. I was sitting in the smoking section for like 3 hours. I had a sore throat the next day. On Wednesday, I began to lose my voice. We ran over to Kansas City on Thursday. I couldn't talk the whole time we were there. It made me sad because there were 12 of us and lots of conversations to be had and I couldn't take part in them. I finally began to get my voice back on Sunday and it was getting better yesterday -- but then I got the sniffles and it's all gone again. I rarely get sick, but when I do, it sticks around for a while. Dude, whatever happened to secondary immune responses??

I'm so miserable right now it's not even funny. I skipped both of my classes today and I even went to see the nice people at Health Services -- and that's drastic. I had to work and that was ok cuz it doesn't require thinking or anything, but I had to deliver all the housing contract things today and that was not sweet.

Kansas City was a blast. I don't think I've laughed that much since like.... I don't know. Maybe I've never laughed that much in one weekend. It was Chad's 30th birthday on Sunday (or, as he says it, "I'm not 30, I'm twenty-ten") and to celebrate, we went to Chucky Cheese. It was SO much fun! We all wore these goofy party hats the whole time we were there and it was almost as if we were having a bigger and better party than the little kids who were there for their birthdays. Chad's one of those guys who isn't going to grow up. It's cool. When we went to Perkin's after we got back, Chad did something ridiculous and I said, "You know Chad, I really appreciate how young you are."

On the ride home, people kept manipulating the seating arrangements and I was always put in Derek's car. Tabitha was always with her mom. I began to feel very rejected. Everyone wanted to ride with their little friends so the rest of us just had to deal. It was sad. It made me pretty angry. When we got back, Nate asked me if I was going to go to Perkins and I said, "Can I hit you?" He said, "No.... what kind of a question is that?" I said, "I'm going to anyway." I didn't hit him hard -- just a tap. I went to Perkins anyway and he asked me how I liked the trip and I just shrugged my shoulders. He asked what was wrong (as did Ruthie and Heidi) and I said that it was stupid and I was well aware of that fact and I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't need people to tell me that I was being unreasonable -- I knew it without being told. When we were about to leave, Nate said, "That thing never got dealt with." I told them it was ok. When no one else was paying attention, Ruthie told me that I needed to talk with the person who caused it and when her attention was diverted, I said, "Nate. I need to talk to you." It was a really weird situation because he needed to go so he could go to bed and I knew that and I told him I'd talk to him later about it. Somehow, everyone found out that it was Nate. Nate's one of those tender hearted guys who feels everyone else's pain and is concerned for everyone else's situations. I know that on that half-hour drive back home, he was praying for me and the situation, even though he really has no idea what that situation is. The weird thing is that Ruthie and Heidi wanted to talk about it later (I did NOT), and they told me that he was most likely doing just that -- yeah. That's sad because it really wasn't a big deal at all and I pretty much got over it before we even got back. I know he didn't intend to reject me but I just need to hear it from him. Then it will be all happy again.

I was supposed to talk to him tonight, but you know, I don't know if I'm going to make it. I feel so disgusting. Seriously. But I guess out of respect for him, I should probably make the effort. I'd feel bad if I was in his shoes and and the girl who made my days unhappy for a few days stood me up. (NOT a date or anything -- he was going to be in town today and he was going to pencil me in as long as he was here.)

So-ah.... Not studying for tests really works, hey. Honestly, you guys should try it. I studied like a mad woman for the first Research Methods test. I got a D. I thought to myself, "Screw studying if it's going to get me nothing better than a D." Next test I studied only a little the night before the test -- I got 89%. Funny. I'm liking this.

I'm sick of being sick.
~MJ

Thoughts on long trips in vans

I called my brother today. I got his voicemail. The chick that says, "7... 2... 1... 2... 9... 1... 0... 2... 7... 1... is not available. Please leave a message after the tone" sounded like she had a cold today. It was very sad. I hope she feels better soon. Lol

Things are going great with Prepare. Yay! I talked to the person in charge at school and he told me that the senate didn't have their act together so we won't go before Senate until after break. But, he gave us temporary status as a recognized club so we could do anything a normal club would do except ask for money. God is good! I'm going to show Tony the rooms we can choose from tomorrow so he can tell me which one to request when I go to scheduling on Friday morning. Our first meeting will be 3/23. It's SO exciting!

I feel really sad right now. Something was not brought to completion last night and I should have called someone tonight to explain. Nate always says "What about MJ?" whenever I see him and I always respond, "What ABOUT MJ?" which makes everyone laugh really hard. He somehow got the idea that it was making me upset (it totally WASN'T) and I just never got a chance to explain why I said something else about it last night. I feel really bad.

I realized today that I have a very big bubble. I'm going to be in a van with 11 other people for 8 hours. This notion really bothers me. I really don't care to get to know people well enough to know how everyone smells and who snores and who likes to eat nachos on long roadtrips. I might have to sit between Chad and Nate. What happens if I want to sleep? Dude -- I'd totally have to sleep on someone.... In the event that I wanted to sleep and my choice in pillows was Chad or Nate, who would I pick? Chad's like all married (although his wife ran off with some other dude and is going to have that dude's baby now and he doesn't really know where she is right now) so that might be a little weird. And Nate's like.... single. And that would be almost as weird. Or even worse yet, I might have to sit between two people I don't know.... I'd rather sleep on someone I knew (even if it was uncomfortable) than on a stranger....

This van thing brings back memories of Cru trips -- specifically last year at this time when I totally sat in the back seat of a minivan for 26 hours on our way to Big Break in Florida. And when I sat in the back of another minivan for 3 hours on our way to Trek in Wisconsin. That was SO fun.... It's when I learned to sleep in a car. But I HAVE to have my down blanket or it doesn't work out....

Maybe I'll ask the boys if I can sleep on them. Lol
~MJ

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman

I'm not going to start quoting the song. I'm not here to whine about how hard it is to be faithful to just one man. That's baloney. Especially considering that I haven't even got ONE man to be faithful too.... (I'm not here to whine about that, either.)

I just threw away about a ream and a half of paper. Not cuz I wanted to just throw paper away. It was crap. Greeting cards from people who no longer speak to me. Stuff I used to hang on my walls. As I was going through this stuff, I came across stuff that I had written. I read some of it. It was good. I wrote a poem about a week before I moved home after my sophomore year. It almost made me cry. Some of the lines were amazing. It was something that I can't throw away.

It's going to be rough for me to be a writer. Writers keep everything. I can't stand keeping stuff. I'll keep the good stuff, but man. I honestly can't handle having so much crap hanging around. And having to move so often, I just want to get rid of crap so I don't have to move so much stuff all the time. It honestly felt good to throw it all away. I'm going to go through my clothes before I move and get rid of the stuff I don't wear.

I was thinking. I should really stop doing that. I had told Nate that I was willing to be friends with him. But now I don't want to anymore. It's fairly significant that I've decided that because Nate's a nice boy and he didn't do anything to make me not like him. I just want to drop him. And I didn't know why. I thought. I thought some more. And I realized its a gender thing. Nate's a boy. I'm a girl. I was always treated as if I was less than my siblings simply because I am a girl. I was told I was the smartest of all of us, but I got the most negative treatment too. I had to act like nothing hurt me. I had to try to not be a woman. It was clear that the boys were the favored ones and I was just a piece of.... I don't know.... crap. Then I became a woman. I was 12. And no one knew. I had to hide it as if it was something to be ashamed of. I barely dared tell even my mom. My brothers had no idea -- and I'm sure they didn't have a clue until they had girlfriends and now wives. The younger ones are probably still blissfully unaware. It didn't matter because I generally hid in my room, all depressed-like; no one knew the difference anyway. My problem is that no matter how one looks at it, it's a sexual thing. Not in the sense that it has anything to do with sexual practices, but in the sense that girls deal with it and boys don't. My brothers, for some reason unknown to myself, turned out decent. They shouldn't have. They could be bastards and it would make sense. But they're not like that. They're so sensitive to women. My issue with Nate is that I'm a girl. And he's a boy. And he's not my brother and he's not anything LIKE my brothers. (He's sweet, but not anything like my boys....) No matter how you look at this thing, I'm a girl and that's a problem. Not in the sense that I want to be anything different, but in the sense that I'm a woman. And woman things happen to me. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman.
~MJ

All about EQ

I think I'm turning into a man.

I came to this realization as I was frantically running from my piano lesson to meet Cami to work on our research project. Why, one might ask.

Yesterday I was learning about emotional intelligence in my psych class. It's a fairly fascinating topic. Honestly. What exactly did I learn? That I have none. My emotional intelligence approaches nil. There are four components to it that I don't remember at all, but I do know that I haven't got a clue. Fortunately for me, that may indicate that I'm a genius. Smart people tend to score high on IQ and low on EQ. I'm not so sure about IQ, but it's looking good as far as the EQ part goes.

As I was running (frantically), I realized that it would be really nice to cry. I'd get rid of some serious emotional friction. But I CAN'T.

I met Cami in the hall and I said, "Cami. I think I'm turning into a man." Cami looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Why do you say that?" I explained the whole EQ thing and she said, "Could you elaborate on that?" I told her that I honestly couldn't remember the last time I cried. Then I said, "No. Wait. I cried last Saturday. But it was a regret thing. It lasted all of 15 seconds. I can't remember the last time I really cried."

You know how guys tend to not let themselves express emotion? Yeah. That's me.

Dude, it would feel good to cry.
~MJ